Lo Siento

7

Okay. So I know I messed up bad, like really bad.

Things just aren't going my way. I might be interested in Ethan and I've just learned that Natalia spent most of the money Mom left us on clothing. CLOTHING?!

"One shirt at Pink is $28.99 plus the pants!" she excuses herself.

"But you had to buy it?! Just go to Danice or Goodwill and I bet you would've found the same shirt for $6.00." I scoff.

Mom left us $50.00 total and Natalia spent $39.00! That money was for food and the necessities. Not friggin clothes!

"Oh! That reminds me. We're throwing a party tomorrow night. You know, as a celebration for me coming back." she continues. My mind is hurting me right now. I know that rebellious teenagers throw parties when parents are away in movies but in real life! In my life?! Of course.

"Ha. No." I laugh, shaking my head, refusing to believe she was deadass.

"Why not! I already told everyone. I'm actually gonna invite you this time. Plus, Ethan is coming... and Cole!" she sing songs the word, Cole.

"Whatever, why would I even care?" I try not to make eye contact.

"Oh my god. Shut up, I know you still have a major crush on Cole." she smirks.

"That 'major crush' diminished. Where have you been?" I laugh. But Natalia doesn't.

"You don't have to joke about it just yet." Natalia says as she runs off into Mom's room.

"Natalia, I didn't mean it like that-" I say but it's too late. I heard the door lock. Boarding school joke.

I shake my head and start to clean up the kitchen that Natalia has purposely made a mess of. No human being can just make a mess like this accidentally.

My phone goes off three times until I pick it up.

They're from Ethan.

Hey, wanna meet up at the field?

I've got beers.

Jk Capri Suns.

I laugh at his attempt at sounding cool. I text back.

Sure. Give me a minute.

Gotta change.

I head out to the field, not telling Natalia obviously. Ethan and I used to hang out here when we were

stressed or craving something, or someone, but couldn't tell them that. Basically our safe space. But we haven't been here in months so I wonder what the occasion is.

"Hey," he says as he sees me coming in my long sweatshirt and denim jeans.

"How?" I say as a stare at this child laying in the grass.

"What?" he says confused.

He wearing shorts and a tank top. It is 27 degrees, in November.

I lecture him about his outfit choice until he finally admits he is kinda cold.

"Haha. You win. I'm cold. I don't really know why I wore this." he shivers.

"Yeah okay." I doubt him as I sit down beside him, staring out into the field with him.

There's a Moment of silence.

"I like you, a lot..." he turns his head to the left to face me, biting his bottom lip. I see this out the corner of my eye as I look down and blush ferociously.

He caught me off guard and I didn't know what to say after that so I said...

"Oh."

"I know we're young and have the rest of our lives," he pauses as I turn to stare at him, "...but I think I love you." he finishes.

Whoa. No.

Love is a strong ass word.

"Oh wow. That's... wow" I say, stupidly again.

"I know," he pauses, leaving me on what feels like the edge of the world, "...but don't say anything. Just let me talk." I nod. He takes my hands and spins me around on the grass to face him, crisscrossed.

"Juliana Nicole Castoro ... I love you. I don't want to see you get hurt or be in trouble. I don't want to ever imagine you never being in my life. We've been friends since forever and I'm glad I was able to save this last piece. I may have ruined it or saved it but I'm glad I've finally revealed what's been on my mind for the past year. So I decided to tell you today. On the day that we met. December 16th. Keeping my feelings together has been torture for me but now that you know, I don't know if things will ever be the same again. I'm sorry if I've hurt you and I'm sorry if I've ignored you or made you feel like you don't belong. I don't want your answer because I'm not sure if I'm ready to be hurt yet but I want to be with you, Juliana Nicole Castoro...." he finishes, my hands still in his.

And as soon as he finishes, he gets up and leaves with his hands in his pocket and his head down.

I have no words.