Lo Siento

10

My stomach hurts like hell. So does my head like the past few mornings. Fast forward, it's been about one week after the party and about three days since my confession to Natalia. Things haven't changed.

Natalia sleeps in Moms' room instead of sharing a room with me. She's still pretty pissed, of course. I woke up with a dry throat and cramps like crazy. I checked my calendar to see when my period started and it was due two days ago. That might explain the cramps. I thought to myself.

I got up to use the bathroom and there was no blood. While sitting on the toilet, I felt nauseous. I quickly pulled up my pants and switched sides and hurled over the toilet bowl. I vomited about three times that morning.

I remembered how Ethan and I had sex and instantly knew I was, no doubt, pregnant. I asked Natalia to bring me to the drugstore but she didn't want to talk to me. I thought that I could convince her to see that Ethan did rape me but I changed my mind. It would've been worse if I was. Lord knows what Natalia would've done if I was pregnant. To me and to Ethan.

I left at about 1pm. I walked two miles to the drugstore and back. While I was there, I looked up and down aisles for a pregnancy test. I've never done this before obviously, but I remember some stuff from health class. I also Googled the most accurate pregnancy tests. I found what I thought was right and then bought it.

The man at the register was young, probably 20. Nametag: James. He looked me up and down and smirked. Then laughed. I rolled my eyes, took the bag and left.

After about 30 minutes of walking, I got back at around 3:00. I decided to skip school today. Natalia was on her way back soon so I had to do this quickly. I was nervous. I stood over the stick, squatted, then peed. It was weird. I set a timer for five minutes. Natalia still wasn't home which was good.

I kept reading the label.

ll = positive

l = negative

I kept praying for one line.

When it finished I walked slowly towards the stick. I gently picked it up and read what was printed:

ll

I took the other stick out of disbelief and peed on it, too. Two minutes later, I rushed to read it this time:

ll

I was furious. I grabbed the first stick and threw it in the garbage and grabbed the second stick and broke it to pieces. One of the pieces of plastic cut me and my hands were soon red. I stared at my bloody hands until I cried into them. I fell to the ground and stared at myself in the mirror. I didn't care that my face was now bloody or that my hands were in pain. I was pregnant. And nobody would help or believe me.

That night, I researched abortion hospitals and abortion clinics in private. I know that I didn't even think about actually raising the child but there was no other decision. Just abortion. I am not raising a child at 15 with no support. End of discussion.

I made an appointment for Wednesday. Two more days.

After I did that, I decided to go to sleep and pray that Wednesday would go okay.

Wednesday

"Just breathe. Relax. It'll all be over soon." the doctor tells me at the clinic.

I actually went through with this. I'm not going to be affected by this. I know it.

"The sedation we gave you should kick in around now. You'll feel relaxed, but not tired. You won't feel much pain. Only half the amount of pain you would have felt if you gave birth." the doctor assures me.