What We Do In the Shadows: "Jen..."

What We Do In The Shadows: "Jen..." Part IV...

Summary: There are unexpected consequences when Laszlo seeks a new human familiar...

Part IV...

Laszlo, in his cell...

Two nights later...

"Well, I brought up the subject of the possibility of selling the place, last night with Nandor and Nadja...Separately, of course, to poll their feelings on the matter. It went reasonably well...Naturally, vampires being a conservative people opposed to change, neither was initially keen on the idea..."

Cut to Nandor, in the (more or less) living room... "So...Laszlo comes to me tonight and has the gall to say he thinks we ought to meet with some human agent who would sell our house, possibly for a very good price...What have I been saying at each community meeting for the last sixty years?" throwing hands up.  "We should never have taken this place, it's no fit place for Nandor the Relentless, General to the Sultan, Christian governor of Cilicia, the man who made the Euphrates run red several times. I mean the fancy room is acceptable, I used to campaign in the field, you know, in a tent...A very well-furnished tent, with lots of carpets and cushions, I was a general, you know. But we don't even have decent plumbing in here. The toilets are always backing up."

"That's because you try to flush severed body parts, Master." Guillermo, standing near, notes.

"Excuse me, Guillermo, I think I know what a well-designed home or palace should be capable of..." frown.

"Sorry, Master."

"I never had this problem in my castle back in my human day and my first vampire centuries, our pits and latrines could handle it all and if they got full, we just dug them deeper. And I would like a place with a nicer garden to stroll by night. And one of those home theater things would be good, with the sound all around you. But...I was a bit angry at Laszlo for so often refusing to consider moving whenever I brought it up in years past. And I'm sure it was Nadja who pushed him to denounce my suggestions. She can be very...Determined...Yes, let him persuade her and I will let myself be persuaded, with sufficient pleading on Laszlo's part. But her first...Really best not to get between them in such disputes..." slight grimace. Guillermo nodding. Best...

...

Back to Laszlo, in cell...

"I sensed Nandor could be persuaded but the real salesmanship involved Nadja. She has always been fond of the place and always urged, pressed, demanded, threatened violence, to get me to agree to stay here, even in the past when once or twice Nandor hinted at being interested in considering a change."

Cut to Nandor...

"He said that? The little vampiress-pecked coward! Uh, what did Nadja say?"

...

"Fortunately..." Laszlo continues. "My lady wife had just contracted a fancy towards a potential human familiar candidate, a disturbingly handsome lad by the name of Justin she'd happened to come across. Normally, I wouldn't allow it...Especially when Nadja tries to claim it's her turn to have an appealing lad about the house after I had such a charmer in June. Really? You've seen June? Wonderful person in her way, but come now...Strictly chosen to avoid any conflict with the lady wife. Still, given my own search hasn't gone well as yet and the waste ...And I mean waste as well as less offensive garbage...Is piling up, we need a new familiar or a cleaning service we would then either have to kill or enthrall, which can be a problem when records are kept and families are involved. So, if I make a strategic trade...Allowing this 'pretty boy' in as Nadja's new familiar and she agrees to take a new house, and let me continue my own search for a new familiar, things could work out. I mean not only would we need all the human help we can safely enthrall for the potential move, which as you can imagine can be a logistical nightmare...Nadja's wardrobe comprises at least ten large trunks...But, should Justin prove a bit too 'pretty' and 'familiar', all sorts of accidents can happen during a big move. And humans are so fragile...No offense." polite nod.

...

Cut to Nadja in cell...

"Laszlo thinks he's so f-ing clever, offering me the choice of Justin as my familiar, in exchange for me agreeing to consider an offer for the house and to move...And of course he still gets his own familiar..." frown. "The joke's on him...After I saw rats in my cell last week when I awoke...In daylight no less, though still in the dark, of course...I have been like...We can't get out of this rat-infested trap soon enough." slight peevish look. "Though I did expect him to be a bit more jealous of Justin...I mean, this isn't like with my Gregor/Jeff, the reincarnation of my knight/lover whom I knew long before Laszlo, this is just some pretty little human we need to clean the damned place. He could be a bit jealous. The boy is very pretty. I got him off Mr. Craig's List, 'young man wanted for odd jobs, flexible hours' I said in the ad. That's all I needed to find one, Laszlo has to go and make a big production out of it, finding a human familiar is soooo difficult. He just wants an excuse to view pretty girls, he doesn't fool me." Shake of head. "Not sure if I like the idea he'd take his own familiar. That often goes badly."

Cut to one hundred fifty years before in Europe, Nadja killing young woman in period dress of a maid, then chasing a protesting then fleeing-in-panic Laszlo with an ax.

"But, if we do move, I hope we can get one of those home theater things..." she notes, wistfully.

.....

"I approve of getting a home theater..." Colin notes, nodding. "They're wonderful and really good bait for drawing in people I can drain. But, as to moving? I'm rather a settled type and I like it here. I have my nice basement room with all the things I need to be as draining a personality as possible. A metal bed with a bad mattress...Metal, uncomfortable chair, here...Have a seat if you like. A metal table with no homey appeal whatsoever. It's very nice. Change leaves me cold...And a bit drained."

...

Laszlo, three nights later...In the library...Speaking to a lovely tall young blonde woman in business suit...

"Oh, this is Jennifer Steinecke, our new real estate agent..." he beams.

"Hi..." Warm smile, wave... "So you're filming Mr. Cravensworth's memoirs?"

"Yes, for the BBC...I thought it would be so much better to do it as a documentary rather than a book." Laszlo notes, eyeing camera...Slight wave to keep mum. "Give us just a moment, won't you, dear? Why don't you assess the library?" he closes door of library on Jennifer who notes as door closes that the library is a nice selling point...

"Yes, sorry, about that. But couldn't get into specifics with the young lady. Charming isn't she? I was expecting some one a bit more like Colin Robinson, but more useful in that they'd be able to sell our house for a considerable sum and convince Nadja and Nandor to agree. But now, given the fate of poor Dustin the other night when a bookcase fell on him...Not by my hand, as you saw..."

Cut to shot of Justin the familiar being crushed by falling bookcase resulting from cursed witch's skin hat Laszlo wears...

"...I think we might well kill two birds with one stone and have a human familiar real estate agent...Not only a familiar but one who knows property values in the area. She could be a big help in our efforts to achieve dominion over Staten Island. Knowing the property values, you see. And she does a good deal of charity work about New York. Excellent for finding virgins and disposable people... And she is very bright and charming..She has a real appreciation of the classic literature in the library." beam. "You know, she's of French background, even has a flat in Paris she inherited from an aunt. Funny how she reminds me of Milly. You know, I rather think she likes me..." smile. "And she's a big girl, as you saw...Should be able to handle corpses and do her fair share of the general cleaning."

Slight worried pucker...

"Just have to figure out how to sell her to Nadja. But, hell, I said nothing about Dustin. And I only want to enjoy having someone lovely and bright, perhaps dulled a bit by enslavement but sweet and gentle. Perhaps she could read to me at day?" hopeful look.

...

"This is quite an elegant old place..." Jennifer notes to us, strolling through the library. "I saw it was unlisted and left my card. I'm sure I can really get Mr. Cravensworth a good price on the place and I understand he and his family are looking for a bigger, more modern place? There are some good deals on the island but he might want to consider Manhattan. I and our people have a few places there and some friends who could show him some really fine properties." warm smile. "Are any of you looking in the neighborhood?" Slight adjustment of blouse collar, smoothing of suit, all of which slightly shows off her ample bosum, renewed smile.