I don't feel like it.
Maybe after this.
Oops missed a deadline.
Oh well.
Another thing?
I can do that no problem.
I can do it after this.
I will do it after this.
Eh, I'm not feeling it.
Never mind.
Oh you're getting annoyed?
I'll do some then.
I think I've done enough for today.
I'll do the rest later.
Oh this is much more interesting.
Never mind.
I'm not feeling it.
Maybe later.
No, definitely later...
Maybe.
I scream at myself internally.
You need to get this done.
Finish it now.
But I get distracted.
Social media.
Going out.
Binge watching shows.
Anything as an excuse to not do something productive.
Only to fall on my ass with noise ringing in my ears and bouncing in my mind.
Why didn't you just do it.
Why did you go out.
Why are you so selfish.
Is it really selfish when it the only person it truly hurts us myself?
A self destructive cycle constantly repeated.
It's something so simple that I could beat it.
But my subconscious sets me up to fall back down.
A constant war battling in my mind.
When I do something else this thing always finds its way into my mind.
Tormenting me.
Taunting me.
Testing my very ability to leave or stay.
This feeling only makes me want to stay away from this thing though.
Since I have such a distaste for it, I don't want to confront it.
I don't want to finish it.
I don't want to complete it and end up having it be a
FAILURE.
Better to not do it at all than to do it and screw up, right?
Better to brush it off and "enjoy" my day than to confront those few uncomfortable hours or even minutes.
It sounds stupid.
That's because it is.
But it has taken control of me.
This feeling of impending doom lingers above my head.
I want it to go away, but the cost seems to great.
YOU ARE READING
This Is Me, I Guess
PoetryStories and poems of what it's like to be inside my head. **Warning** Some of the chapters in this story may trigger those who suffer or have suffered from a mental illness, mainly depression and anxiety.
