This Is Me, I Guess

Dimentia

Dementia is a horrible disease. It slowly kills you and you don't even know it. It slowly kills those around you, too.

When you have it, you know about it at first. You're terrified of not knowing your family members and of forgetting about the life you worked so hard on. It's terrifying that you'll forget everything.

First, it starts out as forgetting the little things. Maybe you forget what you're saying in a presentation. Or maybe you forget how to tell the time on a clock. It's just little brain farts, so you don't think much of it.

Then, when you're driving or out on a walk, you forget where you are. You've been on this path a million times, yet you forget. You also starts forgetting some of the names of some of your coworkers. You forget the name of you're favorite song. You start to think that this isn't really normal, so you go to the doctors office. You take your tests, waiting anxiously and then, you are tested positive for dementia.

This is heart breaking. To both you and those you love. You realize that everyone you now know, your friends and family, will eventually fade from your memories and you'll just think they're strangers. So you cry to yourself. You know that in your lasts moments, you could even forget to breathe.

You don't want to forget anything so you write memos and diary entries. You set alarms and write things down on your calendar. You want to make every memory last while you still have them. Eventually you forget to do that, even.

You repeat questions over and over again, driving people crazy. You check everything more than once because you can't remember if you took out the garbage. It takes a while to say the sentences you want to say. You forget how strong you can be, so you hit a little harder than you think you are hitting.

All your family can do about it is to sit back and watch while they watch you slowly deteriorate. They can only watch as you go from happy and healthy to tired, quiet, and weak. They can't do anything about your illness and it's sickening.

The hardest part about dementia is watching you forget who they are. Mother forgetting daughter and son. Best friend forgetting best friend. Grandpa forgetting grandchildren. It's really difficult.

All they can do is watch. There is no cure for this disease. All they can do is watch..... They can't control wether you can have dementia or not. They can't just remove this part of yourself from your brain.

Eventually you will be hard to take care of because you will barely know how to walk and feed yourself. You will sound so faint that everyone has to sit closer to you to hear you. Your words mash up together, which makes it hard to understand what your saying. So you'll be put in a nursing home.

You'll fall down a lot and forget everyone, even yourself. You won't remember who you are. You won't remember where you came from. You won't remember your name. This upsets you so you cry a lot.

Your friends and family just watch you while your mind decays. They watch you while you forget who they are. They watch as you forget who you are. They watch as you die because that is all they can do for you. All they can do is be that friendly stranger who talks to you from time to time. All, they can do for you is make sure that you have a family and that you will not die alone.

All of those memos mean nothing to you. They are just pieces of paper with words. They are just noise. Coloring books to be colored on. The diaries are just weird little books with big printing. Your worst nightmare has come true and you don't even know it.

It's torturous to those around you. It's harmful, but you can't help it. You didn't choose this.

Dementia sucks. It sucks. For both the victim and the ones they love.......