The First Easy Breath- 2019 Poems

Emptying A Garage

I am here at the place where it all began trying to find some peace of mind

trying to breathe easier and sleep better and release all the tension in my muscles that have been motorboating too long running on anxiety and stupidity

Smash my head into a wall

just to get me to slow down

if I can't escape reality on my feet

I certainly can knocked out

Tell me to Bloom just to pluck my petals -your promises were like the tide

here one second, gentle sweet and real- 

then gone the next, cold bitter and real 

and it's crazy to me how I am captivated by it still

Wishing you'd walk through the door 

playing the same album on repeat that says "everything did before, doesn't really matter anymore"

Spin my head like the records I know you don't listen to

carving into my skin that I just want someone to care

to cope with the lack of explanation that you left me here with

I used to feel alive in this bar

but now it's just an empty jar labeled nostalgia

with the corners of your smile stretching from rim to rim

this is all I have now

a garage full of hollow containers

doing nothing but taking up space

but it's your space

and God knows I don't have the strength to throw any of that away

despite the fact that where I was concerned

you didn't leave a trace

Guess were just different that way

and I'm shocked that all these thoughts still remain

when I've been chugging chugging to try and forget your name

God forgive me

and may heaven still take me

for being so fucking obsessed with you