The First Easy Breath- 2019 Poems

Purity

I have had sex

21, female, and Christian to the core

Raised on the rule of "sexual activity before marriage makes you a whore."

So you never would have guessed that I've done the deed

But it's so funny how everyone wants to shame me for being a human being?

Sometimes I think about sex with girls

And I can't believe I just said that to a crowd because until now I've never even said it out loud

Cause no one wants to listen when you're telling your sins, they're just raising their stones ready to condemn

I made the mistake of telling my mom once that growing up I wanted to be a boy

She told me that wasn't true

I told her she didn't get to tell me how I felt then, she didn't live my youth.

And i think it's so funny how others narrative we think we have ownship of just cause it doesn't fit into our own ideas so we shove the "impure" into boxes labeled "with love"

Of course I'm confused I've got a duck tape mouth and a ravenous heart

Starved for things that silence kept in the dark

Don't tell me to think straight when my 8 year old heart placed in a boys hand caused my trust to break

Don't tell me to think straight when I said no but he kept going anyway

Don't tell me to get over it

Don't tell me anything.

Because you don't have the right.

I will heal

I will get there

But on my own terms, in my own time

So keep your comments to yourself

And your eyes in line

Don't let me corrupt your inner child

With the filth of my hormonal mind.