The First Easy Breath- 2019 Poems

Drunk On A Sunday

I wonder how insects handle stress?

How life must feel to have an existence void of panic

As if the constant treadmilling thought of death voluntarily escapes the animal kingdom

I'm not so sure I can do it anymore

where are my fangs, my stinger, my spikes.

I was not born with self-defense

the mechanisms of the universe did not favor me or think me special enough to possess armor

but my God how we have forged our breast plate from trauma

Our shields from the tears we've cried

and swords from every negative word thwarted against us

our helmets measured at birth for common man knows nothing better than the value of facade

and for the sake of what God I could not say

that any one of our faces should be publicly disgraced by being known

Truth is not a thief

but society has molded the shape of every man's mouth into a fickle grin

for the sake of what God I could not say. our warpaint is our own blood and our battle cry is "one more goddamn day" as our mouths fill with the cavities for our unforgiveness

and bile backwashes to spit in the eyes of those we have left unconfronted

for every face we've suppressed

and every name we have aggressively torn out from the codependent parts of our DNA

in desperate attempts to make ourselves whole from where the vipers have torn our flesh

We all feel behind closed doors

no matter the muscle mass that tells the narrative of dry bones

your pillow is soaked same as mine

Exemption knows no man like a lair

And the words from your mouth

Fall like stones onto this river

let them lead me through the raging current

and pray my soul be saved

on this forlorn terrain

dismissing every hand extended for me to shake

civility for the sake of what God I could not say

but it's the only mask I'll take to the grave transparency the reward for every man but those betrayed

Pick me up like i'm easy to carry and shoulder me on toward greater things

Cause it's currently all too much for me

Have to have my head buzzing like a bee just to feel like I can breathe

master of escape like Houdini

so long as this glass is in front of me

like a fire escape I'm climbing out desperately

of every single expectation placed on me

I will not fit into your idea of who I'm supposed to me

Wrestle me like a shark

with the lasso around my mouth to keep my malice contained

you don't have the guts to fight me with my teeth

Cupping both hands over my nose and mouth just to hear myself breathe

to know I'm alive when the megaphone is pressed to my ear yelling for me to die

The human breed of warriors

fighting to feel while concealing everything

no one has the right to tell me who to be so watch the monster evolve from my knees to an animal beast

Primal instinct is the only thing that could catalyst me to rise from this pit of grief

with a stinger grown from where you tried to fuck me and left abuse in it's stead

and spikes from where every self sacrificing leech said I wasn't enough

while the fangs are anxiously waiting to eat you alive

even though I haven't faced you my entire life

I'm ready to make someday now

and fill your veins with the poison you left me with

and watch you struggle still

A living hell with me as your tour guide

Bridle the kindness and make you suffer like I did inside

see how well you function with a fucked up mind

Then look me in the eyes and say it was all worth while

I dare you

come back for me dead or alive

Cause no man could face what I have and survive

swallow every ounce of your pride and hit rewind

then tell me you don't regret molding a living nightmare out of my life

but I'll reincarnate as a dove

with an olive branch in my mouth symbolizing peace life and love

for you to leave in the dust

every treacherous thing you did to me and face yourself

The human race morphing into a species of infinitely better beings

by the hand that did smite me blind

I'll be regaining my sight

searching for you the rest of my life.