The First Easy Breath- 2019 Poems

The Splendid Ball of the Self Involved

I don't know why it's so hard for people to be happy for me

Smiling is pestilence to the narrative of another

with clawed hands we will latch in a chokehold on to joy of others and demand it look at us in worshipful adoration

May my back never be burdened with the airy nature of congratulations.

they confess scoffs at the medicine with the metal spoon halfway down your throat.

Posh cigarettes and champagne only for the self

as though a hazmat suit warded any external happiness

crush the ice with your teeth

smile the bloody pestilence smile

do what you have to

crush your skull against a rock for it later

Bathe yourself in yellow caution

And clothe yourself in orange warning. garnished in the flashing of directional signs

and sculpt the mask of disapproval to match the Grim Reaper out of fear intertwined with the rope whip of control. 

aren't you a glorious thing?

envious, apathetic, and concerned

a discotheque "safety dance" anthems from every little square

fold the MusicBox of possibility closed

and wreak wrath on yourself by stepping on gemstones you broke from your own wrist

isn't it lovely?

isn't it grand?

waste yourself with euphoric sobriety 

while I drunkenly lie with ecstasy night through night

floating on clouds at a height only your head could achieve

isn't it lovely?

isn't it grand?