FOR THE BOY WHO STOLE MY HEART, p.parker

[9]

~ ❦ ~
//𝑛𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟, 2016//

dear peter parker,

i confessed to harrison yesterday.
i told him that we should stop seeing each other. i told him about how i had feelings for someone else- you. i told him that i didn't want to lead him on. i told him how amazing he is. i told him that i really didn't want to hurt him.

he's such a great guy, which is why i keep beating myself up over it. he is one of the only guys, you included, which still believe in humble acts of chivalry. on paper, he's my dream guy.
but my dream guys category is set to you.

he was good to me. i wish i could've been the same.
how could i possibly treat him the way he deserves knowing that i like you?

but to my surprise, he wasn't upset. he wasn't even surprised. i feel like he knew this whole time.
he told me he'd be a rebound. he told me to use him. he told me to think of him as a distraction. he told me that he didn't want to lose me. he told me he wanted me to settle for him, even if i could never have feelings for him. he told me he couldn't just be friends with me.

and for a moment, i really considered what he was offering. if that makes me a bad person, i don't care anymore. you don't deserve me pining after you when there's a perfectly great guy that will do anything for me.

so i told him yes.

moving away from my internal conflict, today i heart that liz moved to oregon. i've countlessly thought about comforting you, tell you that it's going to work out.

but if i knew this yesterday, i wouldn't have agreed to harrison's offer. we've missed out on the time for us.
everything just seems to be a whirlwind of bad timing. and as much as i want the clock to rewind, reset and go, there's no way.

regretting everything,
y/n