Le Quatrième Pentamètre

Advice You Didn't Ask For (I)

For, iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another 

~ Proverbs 27:17 ⁣

***

We seem to be both on a journey toward a destination. Everyone is, actually... anyway...

Some live in the Land where when I get to the Destination, then I'll be happy.

Your interpretation of that happiness? Probably, that upon arrival then the dysfunction and the poor choices and all of the "baggage" that got you to where you were when you started will somehow just fall off at that point.

And so no effort is made to inspect the baggage for contraband, no time is spent unpacking the habit patterns that form the foundation upon which your choices are built.

I actually find that you carry your dysfunction along under wraps like a stowaway dog in a children's cartoon. And you figure - hey, once I arrive then I'll be whole/sufficient/able to soldier on without that stuff.

And NOTHING could be further from the truth!

You will not be happy when you arrive, you will be happy when you learn that you are competent, capable, and committed to the change that you wish to see - and when you lay that shit on the ground and walk around it on your way to the new you.

Dysfunction doesn't fix itself. It is fixed by action.
Baggage doesn't unpack itself. It is done manually and with care.
Choices aren't made in a vacuum. They are made a thousand times a day and subject to circumstance and context.

The CHANGE is made during the duration of YOUR journey. 

It isn't made at the outset (how many times have you already made a sweeping declaration about something you'll change that... you didn't?). 

It isn't made at the end (as if somehow mythically, you will just know?)

And it isn't made by anyone else FOR you. 

It is made BY you, FOR you, and IN you as you take each step forward. As you strain against each uncomfortable moment. As you push against roadblocks that you have errected in your path. As you refuse to accept false comfort and embrace uncomfortable truth.

Your life will change when you do.

The secret is you must DO change until you ARE changed... don't fall into the trap! 

***

It is always important to ask ourselves in the midst of success - am I succeeding because of my choices or in spite of them?

This is one of the most effective ways to prune flawed logic and poor choices from the midst of wins rather than the ashes of defeat.

Nothing succeeds like success, but nothing also stagnates like success. Getting married to the approaches that got us to this point and deciding that there can be no success if anything is different has all of the earmarks of zealotry and fixed mindset thinking. Sometimes, when it comes to succeeding in life, what got you here won't get you there. And no amount of trying harder, doubling effort, or spiritualizing the journey is going to change that.

Sometimes things have to change in order for you to change. Even in the middle of success, look at what is "despite" and what is "because."

***

Here's some sobering truth for today.

Your past is only predictive of, not prophetic over, your future. Where you will be is directly related to a combination of chance and choices. Your future is not yet defined, and you are afforded this day...this hour...this moment...this second - this very second is the time when you must choose how you will work to shape your future. Once this moment is behind you, the next moment is before you, how will you choose?

Will you choose to change? Change can come only when you can effectively answer these questions:

1. What are you willing to take up?
2. What are you willing to mess up?
3. What are you willing to shake up?
4. What are you willing to give up?

In each moment, we are faced with opportunities to act on each of these four questions.

People often say "I want to change."

What they mean is "I want the same behaviors to have a different outcome."

Change necessitates change. How will you answer the call?

***

As any change must begin somewhere, it is the single individual who will experience it and carry it through. The change must indeed begin with an individual; it might be any one of us. 

Nobody can afford to look around and to wait for somebody else to do what he is loath to do himself. 

But since nobody seems to know what to do, it might be worth while for each of us to ask himself whether by any chance his or her unconscious may know something that will help us. Certainly the conscious mind seems unable to do anything useful in this respect.

Man today is painfully aware of the fact that neither his great religions nor his various philosophies seem to provide him with those powerful animating ideas that would give him the security he needs in face of the present condition of the world. 

I know what the Buddhists would say: Things would go right if people would only follow the "noble eightfold path" of the Dharma (doctrine, law) and had true insight into the Self. 

The Christian tells us that if only people had faith in God, we should have a better world. 

The rationalist insists that if people were intelligent and reasonable, all our problems would be manageable.

The trouble is that none of them manages to solve these problems himself. 

~ Carl Jung, Man and His Symbols,