He awoke before her the next morning and was glad to see that she was still sound asleep. She was curled into a fetal position, her hand resting protectively on her stomach. He rolled onto his side and watched her sleep, studying her face. She looked deeply tired and older than he remembered, but there was no denying that she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. He brushed her cheek lightly and touched her hair, replaying inauguration night in his head. They'd barely spoken to each other in years, and he felt like he'd lost her. She hadn't been the girl he had wanted to marry in a long time. Their career had taken her from him, in a lot of ways, and he knew that even now she was still struggling with a lot of her own demons. Maybe he didn't even know her anymore. As he watched her sleep, though, there was no doubt that he still loved her with everything he had.
She finally stirred, her big brown eyes fluttering open and quickly focusing on him. He gave her a crinkly smile, still running his hands through her hair. She offered him a sleepy smile in return and sighed. "Hi."
"Good morning, gorgeous," he said, locking his eyes on hers. "Did you sleep okay?"
"Mmhmm. I'm so tired."
"Go back to sleep." Her eyes closed and her breath slowed as she lay there, letting him stroke her hair. Suddenly, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed and made a run for the bathroom. He followed and knelt beside her, rubbing her back as she wretched. He didn't know what else to do. Normally she pushed him away when she was sick or upset, but this time she seemed grateful to have him there.
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't be ridiculous," he said, still rubbing her back. She leaned against him, still recovering. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed." She nodded and let him help her up, leaning heavily on him. She settled back into bed rolling onto her belly.
"Rub my back." He complied, trying not to listen to the little moans and gasps that escaped from her as he tried to work some of the tension out of her body. Before too long, she drifted off and he hesitantly left her side. He wanted to call his brother, call everyone. It was too early, and they had a lot of things to discuss before they said anything to anyone else. He settled for researching doctors and was sitting at the table when she finally rose and made her way to the kitchen.
"Hey," she said as she stood in the door, pulling her robe around her. He stood and pulled out her chair, taking her hand and helping her to her seat. "I'm having a baby, Lindsey, not dying."
"I know, I just... I've never done this before. How are you feeling?"
"Miserable."
"Can I make you tea? Do you want anything to eat?"
"No food," she said quickly, making a face. "Just water would be great. Thank you."
He got her a glass of water and sat across from her, watching her closely. "Do you have a doctor?"
She shook her head. "I haven't even thought about that yet. My GYN is in Phoenix, but obviously I'm going to want someone here."
"I did a little research this morning. I hope that's okay. I just thought it might give you a place to start," he said, handing her a list of notes. She smiled as she skimmed, trying to decipher his chicken scratch.
"Thank you. I'll start calling around this week. I don't think they'll even take me until I'm a little further along."
"I wish I knew what to do."
"There isn't much to do yet. We've got about 7 months of waiting to do at this point."
"Listen, I know we haven't been around each other much and things have been rough, but I want to fix that. I don't want you to do this by yourself." Her eyes welled up as he spoke, and she slipped her hand into his. "I mean that."
She nodded her acknowledgement, unable to look at him. The lump in her throat rendered her momentarily speechless, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to compose herself. "Thank you."
"Let me know what you need from me, okay? Anything."
"Maybe you could stay with me for a while? I'm going to need help going to doctor's appointments and things, and I don't want to involve anyone else yet."
"Okay. I can go get my things this afternoon."
"What are we going to tell people?"
"Nothing. They don't need to know I'm around."
"But I'm recording an album, Lindsey. There are people around all the time..."
"At some point they're going to figure out that you're pregnant, you know. You're going to have to be okay with that. Until then, we can keep things quiet and avoid some of the circus that's going to come with this. You don't need that stress right now."
"Maybe we should just, like, go to Sweden and disappear for a year. I could come back thin with a beautiful baby and miss all of the drama."
"You love the drama."
She laughed a little, knowing he was probably right. For some reason, this felt deeply private - it was something she wasn't willing to give to the rest of the world. "Thank you for being here."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else."
That night, he was temporarily moved in. They hadn't discussed their relationship - everything was so overwhelming. Just 24 hours ago, her life was so different. If she was able to keep this a secret, even for a little while, it would truly be a miracle.
