He watched her drift into a drug-induced sleep, knowing he wouldn't be sleeping for a while. Her breath came slow and evenly, and he hoped that she felt as peaceful as she looked in that moment. A lot of tears and frustration and unknown still laid before them. She was going to need every moment of rest and healing she could get.
The weight of almost losing her almost crushed him in that moment. He could barely breathe as he tried to recap the events of that day. Tears flowed easily, and he didn't care. No one was there to see him. His beautiful girl laid in the bed, her skin still ghastly pale, her long blonde curls completely unruly. Dark circles hung beneath her eyes. She was swollen and he knew that the surgery wounds beneath the dressings would give him nightmares. He hadn't been able to make himself look. She'd barely even acknowledged her pain. All she cared about was Lily. The idea of losing Lily was painful enough. Watching Stevie lose her would probably be more than he could take. She had to pull through.
He wandered over to the NICU again and watched her, trying to will her to survive. Fight, baby girl, he muttered to himself, wishing with everything in him that he could hold her. The hospital started to feel like a prison. Walls closed in around him, and he felt like he might wake up at any moment. But the hours dragged on and he was still stuck in whatever nightmare had settled in around him.
He flitted between Stevie and Lily all night, not really sure where he should end up. Stevie finally awoke, still groggy, and reached for him. He sat beside her and held her, trying to get her to go back to sleep.
"Lily." It was a question. A declaration. He knew her daughter was all she could think about. Even in her current state she was desperate for some kind of reassurance.
"No change," he said honestly. She cried again, silently this time. Speaking seemed impossible. Neither of them could come up with anything, so they just settled into each other's arms and let their minds race.
Days passed. Lindsey knew he hadn't slept in at least 48 hours. Maybe more. Who could keep track? Her family flitted around, and she recovered more quickly than they anticipated. It made things both easier and harder to handle. As much a he loved being a team, watching her agonize every minute of every hour was brutal.
Sunday rolled around and she was having a good day. It looked like she would be able to come home that afternoon. Her nervous energy filled the room, though, and she watched the hallway closely. "They haven't brought her to see us yet, Lindsey. Where is she?"
"I don't know, baby. I'm sure they're just running behind schedule today."
"No. I don't think it's that. Go talk to someone," she insisted, a hint of panic in her voice.
He kissed her forehead and tried to give her a reassuring look. "Let me go see what I can find out." He finally located a nurse and asked for help. "My daughter was supposed to be brought back for a visit this morning. Can you let me know when we'll see her, please? Lily Buckingham."
"I'll send the doctor to your wife's room shortly." Something about the tone made him very uncomfortable. The doctor didn't generally accompany their visits. Maybe it was just time for an update. Or maybe Stevie was right and something had changed.
Meanwhile, they'd come to Stevie's room with the discharge papers, and Barbara was helping her gather all her things. She was changing out of her hospital gown when he walked in. "I get to go home!" she said, grinning as she approached him and threw her arms around his neck. "When can we see Lily?"
"They're sending someone to talk to us. I guess we're supposed to wait here for just a bit." She frowned nervously and nodded. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. I just want to take her home, Lindsey."
"I know, baby. Me, too." They chatted superficially for a few minutes, all of them trying to ignore their own fears. After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor entered the room. Lily was not with him.
