Tonight, I will be crying. Crying about everything wrong in my life and occasionally the very few good things. How my friends don't wait for me after class, how they literally turn their backs to me, how they tell me to shut up, how they laugh at me, how they don't care that I've started pulling away.
Tonight, I'll be crying about how my mum doesn't accept me, how i thought she started caring but turns out she doesn't, how my mum and dad put me down, how it took my mum 7 months to finally book an appointment with a therapist.
Tonight, I'll be crying about how i have my best friend back in my life, how he's just as respectful-if not more-than he was before, like how he hugged me and apologised sincerely, how I've avoided him and blamed him and only him for us breaking apart, for treating him like shit the time we were best friends.
Tonight, I'll be crying about the fact that if i died, no one would care, no one would cry, no one would visit me in the hospital if my suicide failed, no one would bring me flowers, everyone would still smile, no one else would even consider attending my funeral.
Tonight, I'll be crying about how I can't cut myself, how I won't be able to feel alive, how I am too scared to do anything to myself, how scars from a year ago are still there, how people notice more things than you think, how I can't even force a fucking smile anymore.
Tonight, I'll be crying about how I don't want to be here, but I'm too much of a pussy to change that, how i just want it all to end, how i just want the demons in my stupid head to stop screaming at me, how i want to leave this shitty world for good.
Tonight, I'll be crying.
I'll be crying about everything.
I'll be crying about how I'm stupid, a bitch, worthless, useless, a faggot, gay, weird, loud, obnoxious, annoying, strange, an idiot, pathetic, weak, forgetful, mean, controlling, alone.
Just for tonight.
And maybe tomorrow.
