Our Secret

Chapter Six

"Thomas?"

"Yes, love?"

"What's wrong?"

"Hmm?"

"You've been quiet all day. That's not like you." Philip was propped up on his elbow laying next to the other man on the tangle of blankets by the hearth. He coiled a finger around one of Thomas's tight curls.

Thomas's arm was draped loosely around his waist. "I have a lot on my mind is all." The stress of today, and the decision that weighed heavy on his mind seemed to disappear while he sat in the thrall of his love.

"I hate to see you look so vexed. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Thomas leaned his cheek into Philip's hand. "I'm afraid not, my prince. There are political matters that are proving to be horrifically confounding."

Philip kissed him gently, letting his lips linger on Thomas's for a moment. "Sounds very trying."

Thomas mumbled his agreement against his mouth. "Indeed." He pulled away slightly. "This country... it is still so young and fragile. I am worried. If things go even the slightest bit awry, this whole experiment could fail. And not everyone governing is... up to the challenge I fear." He looked at the other man. "You know you are the only person I can tell these things too."

Philip lightly ran his fingers over Thomas's forehead. "Yeah?" He flushed slightly. "I like that. That there are things only I know about you." He kissed him tenderly once more. "And I'm sure you'll come up with something brilliant."

Thomas took his fingers in his own and pressed tiny kisses to each of them. "I wish I had your confidence."

"One of the perks of being young and dumb." Philip grinned.

Thomas cradled Philip's face in his hands and gazed into his eyes. "Young, yes. But dumb? Never."

"Not as smart as you though."

A smile snaked across Thomas's face. "Well, I have many more years of experience, young Hamilton, that is all. But with your innate intelligence and boundless curiosity you will surely grow into one of the greatest minds the world has ever known."

Philip shook his head. "I don't know about that."

"I do."

A wicked smile spread over his face. "You know who you sound like."

"Don't."

"You sound like my father."

Thomas scoffed and his rolled his eyes. "Well I suppose there is a first time for everything."

Philip chuckled lightly then grew a bit more serious. "I wish you two got along."

"Honestly, so do I. I think if Alexander ever shut up for more than five minutes, we could have been good friends."

"But—"

"But... we are not."

Philip sighed and laid down again on the blankets. When his lover joined him, and gathered him in his arms, he rested his head against Thomas's chest. He swirled his fingers through the other man's chest hair as Thomas caressed his back.

They had started to do this more often. They would set up a makeshift bed by the fireplace in Thomas's office. Blankets stowed away in cabinets until they were brought out when everyone else went home at night. Cushions from the sofa cradling their heads. It was very cozy, not all that comfortable, and entirely too risky. It had been Philip's idea, but Thomas reluctantly relented. He had to admit it was getting harder and harder to say good bye to Philip at the end of the day. They would move a chair in front of the door but that would only bide them time if an unwanted visitor arrived. Just long enough to dress but not long enough that they wouldn't be found out. It was sweet but careless and ultimately, just another example of the unspoken futility of their affair.

The fire crackled and snapped in front of them and it was quickly becoming the only source of light as the candles began burning down to their nubs. They laid in silence like that for a long time, enjoying the warmth and quiet and the touch of each other's skin.

Philip's voice was barely more than a whisper when he finally spoke. "Thomas?"

"Mmm?"

"Can we just stay here tonight?"

Thomas smiled despite the tug on his heart. "I don't think so. Surely you will be missed at home."

Philip shrugged. "It's not like it would be the first time I've been out all night."

Thomas figured that was probably true. "And what about when we both spend tomorrow in the same clothes we wore today?"

"Well..." Philip thought. "Damn." He sounded defeated. "I suppose you're right."

"That doesn't mean we can't enjoy another hour or so." He replied and his answer seemed to please Philip. "Can I confess something else to you?"

"Of course."

"In all my fantasies about you, the one I have the most is you falling asleep in my arms."

Philip chuckled. "Well of course it is. We've done everything else." He teased.

Thomas returned his smile, but it felt hollow. "Yes, I suppose that's it."

Philip sunk back into his embrace and rested his hand on Thomas's chest. The older man wrapped his arms tighter around his lover and waited until he heard Philip's breath grow deep and even before succumbing to sleep as well.

After about an hour, Philip's eyes fluttered open. The fire in front of them had died down considerably and only a steady orange glow and occasional pop of a spark gave any indication it was still lit at all. In that dim light, he looked up. Thomas was fast asleep. His lips slightly parted, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, snoring softly. He looked peaceful. Philip frowned. It had been so long since he had seen him actually calm, not carrying the weight of an entire country on his shoulders. He didn't remember exactly when it had started but the past few weeks Thomas had this constant worry on his face. A faraway look and seemingly always distracted by... something. He would never tell Philip, even when asked. Just wave his hand dismissively and mumble something about "the heavy burdens of this political life."

He sat up quietly and caressed Thomas's face once more, wishing he could brush away all traces of anguish permanently. He stood up and pulled the blanket protectively over his lover's slumbering form and got dressed. He bent down and placed a soft kiss to his forehead.

"Good night, my love." He whispered and quietly slipped into the night.