The Heart That's Inside

chapter ONE

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

-Robert Frost

"Breathe," okay, here goes nothing.

"One, two, three.."

Two bright pink lines appeared as fast as I pulled it up from underneath me. My brain started to scream, I couldn't hold it back.  I hoped no one could hear the fear that was start to bubble inside of me.

"Oh no"

"No, no, no, no, no.."

"No!" I screamed internally.

I started to panic, I could feel my armpits start to sweat. What was I going to do? My stomach dropped. If I stood up at that second, I'm sure it would have fallen out. "It's positive, I'm pregnant?" My mouth whispered out to myself, even speaking it out loud didn't make it seem real.

I stared down at the test until my eyes hurt from the strain. I didn't want to look, but I couldn't turn away. My hands grasped the edges of the bathroom counter, my knuckles looked as if they were ready to burst through my skin. I was numb to all of it.  I lifted my head slightly, maybe seeing my reflection would bring me back. I took a swift glance in the mirror, my emerald green eyes widened, tufts of curly brown hair streaked across my face, held down by sweat. I didn't recognize her. This girl couldn't be me? I don't do things like this.

That's when the fear started to rush in, slowly it pushed me down, holding me under like angry waves in an otherwise beautiful ocean, I was drowning. It silently crept in, filling up my lungs. It was cold, much colder than expected. If I could breathe, I might see it wisp out, struggling to catch the air around it, but I can't.

I can't breathe. I can't move.

Tap, Tap.

A quiet knock on the door breaks the silence, everything comes rushing back in, all at once, knocking me to my feet with a loud thud.

"Hey? Are you okay?", "What does it say?" My sister, who had been patiently waiting, stepped back as I slowly opened the door. I looked up just enough to place the test in her hands.

"You're pregnant!" "This is so exciting, I can't believe it," She jumped up and down, knocking me back.

"Exciting?" I gritted through my teeth. Was she serious? This wasn't something to be excited about, nothing to jump and down for. This is my life! My. life. Not even halfway through ninth grade, now it's over before it even begun.

This wasn't exciting, it was utterly devastating! I was enraged, I started stumbling over my thoughts of the future. My mind racing, rushing through every possible outcome. Where does this leave me? What will I do? Will I finish school? Will I go to college? Are we going to stay together? Crap, I didn't even think about what I'd tell him! Doesn't matter anyways, he's going to leave as soon as he finds out. I don't even want to deal with this, how could he?

I met Andrew when we were in seventh grade, we've been dating ever since. Now that was about to come screeching to a halt, what was I going to do? My chest started to hurt but I knew I had to get up.

I grabbed onto the door handle, pulling myself up to my feet. My knees started shaking, struggling to keep me standing. My sister backing up, still looking at me with that stupid grin on her face. I wished that I could punch her, make her feel my pain, maybe then she'd know a fraction of what I was feeling. I ripped the test out of her hand and headed down the stairs. Not ready to tell the most important man in my life, that I, his youngest child, had ruined her life.