The Heart That's Inside

chapter TWO

"to be human is to be broken, and broken is it's own kind of beautiful"
- r.m. drake

Sitting in class, impatiently waiting for the clock to dismiss us. It's only five minutes till the bell rings but it feels like years go by when all you want is out, doesn't it?

To get home and not have to think. Until tomorrow comes again and you're left in the shadows. Wondering the halls, day in and day out, pacing before each class, each break, each moment someone talks to you. Does it ever end? Does the pain of realization ever go away? Or will you always be stuck in this endless loop of solitude forever?

These are what my days are like now since finding out my life is over. These thoughts, deep inside me, they don't leave. I try to push them out, I smile on the outside hoping it will eventually make it's way in, knowing though, it's efforts are futile. The agony will never go away. I will always be in pain, always hoping for tomorrow, knowing it never comes for me.

*Brrring*

The bell.

I silently slip out into the halls, running as fast I can down the steps, like a never ending tunnel. Racing to the doors, my heart pounding with each tread of my foot against the concrete until I push myself out the doors. Stopping only for a moment, to breathe in the cool fall air. I stare towards the woods across the lot, would anyone notice if I disappeared? Would anyone care? I feel it pulling me in, begging me to enter it and never look back.

A buzzing in my pocket brings me back to reality, It's my mother on the other end, with a loud sigh, I click accept, carefully holding it to my ear. I could hear her speaking before I even placed it against my face.

"Ellie, we're inviting Andrew and his parents over tonight." Her voice bellowing out from the speaker. I gasped, what does she mean invite his parents over? Why would she want to do that?

I listen, holding in my contest. I could never argue with her, that would be worse than what was going to happen tonight.

"We think it's a good idea for everyone to get together and discuss your options."

Options? What options? I didn't know I had any. Secondly, why does anyone need to discuss anything? it has nothing to do with them! It's just between Andrew and I.

I feel the rage building, lately it's been getting worse. An overwhelming feeling of pure hatred started taking over, along with the pain. Nobody was safe from it, not even me. "Fine, I guess, I'll let him know." Slamming the phone together. Hanging up wouldn't do any justice, and it always made me feel a little better.

We sit together on the bus, I usually ignore him so I can peacefully stare out the window. I love to watch everything fly by me in a blur, while me, and everything else is stuck, slowly moving in time. In those moments, I don't have to deal with life, I'm a part of it, no matter how small my part may be.

I squish into my normal spot, slinking across the seat to make room for him. Andrew is obnoxiously talking with his buddies about all the trouble they got into but I needed to tell him what was about to come. I tap him on the shoulder to get his attention, he twists to look at me.

"Hey Elle, what's up?" His honey brown eyes looked deep into my soul, that toothy grin always planted on his face. They got me into this trouble, it still didn't stop me from melting whenever I could.

I shake my head. "Listen, um, my mom invited your parents over to talk with us tonight." His smiles fades, he sinks into the padding behind him. "What?" He mutters, his face turning into a deep scowl. "Why?" he growls. I shutter, he's not usually this angry, though I know he doesn't have the best relationship with his parents.