i wish i was doing better
just because fuck you.
sometimes i see you passing by,
a fleeting face in the crowd,
and my heart twinges because
i don't love you anymore but
my heart remembers
when i did.
i wish i wanted to be
doing better just for me but
i'm made of spite and i want
you to be able to see
how good i'm doing
without you.
i want to find a girl
who's better than you
(although that
won't be hard)
and i want you to
see me love her
and i want you to feel
the loss of my love.
but that wouldn't
be fair to the girl,
using her to spite
you of all people.
i need to tell myself
that you don't
deserve any of me
including my attention but
my mind keeps
wandering to you
and it wonders
what it would be like
if something had happened
that night
when we sat
beside the pool
and our hands could've touched
and the summer air kissed our faces
and the water kissed our feet.
we could've kissed.
i've imagined
your lips on mine
but i don't know how i feel because
even though my heart remembers that
i loved you, it's only an echo. the true
real thing is dead.
