//stream of consciousness//
It was surprising to hear that I seem like I'm confident. I've spent so much of my life as a voiceless shadow, a shy observer of the lives of those around me, nervous hands and nervous eyes and nervous smiles.
But I really like you, I really do, I really think I do, I'm not sure anymore, but I am, I am sure, I do like you. Otherwise, why would I think about you so much? Imagine us together, imagine holding your hand, imagine doing quiet, mundane things with you. A soft hazy veil over the normalcies of life, peaceful and soft sometimes, wild and joyous others. Maybe go to the beach, sand between our toes and up in the air as we run down the strip, laughing laughing laughing you laugh a lot and I like to hear you laugh and I laugh along with you. You make me want to smile.
You make me want to die and cry and scream and I'm not confident, not nearly as confident as you think I am, I'm not confident, I'm small and fragile and full of cracks and uncertainties that have yet to even rear their heads, they're too new, too fresh.
Does my heart mean nothing to you, why are you playing with it playing with me, I don't want to play. I want to be happy. Tell me yes or no yes or no yes or no yes or no, I want you to say yes yes yes yes yes please say yes, but it's okay to say no no no no, say what's in your heart, please just say what's in your heart.
Everything's confusing I know it but please, if you don't know or couldn't figure it out, you should've just stayed quiet, stayed silent, been a voiceless shadow watching and waiting until you knew until you had an answer for me. I know I'm selfish but I don't know love but I would like to but you're blocking my path. Walk with me or move out of the way, I have places to go and people to see and lovesick letters to write.
