Perfect. [Completed]

Chapter 30. Memory

Xara's POV.

For a second or so we are both frozen, staring at each other with fear in our eyes. I have no idea what had caused that terror, what could possibly bring such a strong feeling to my roommate. But I knew, I knew how much it scared him, I could see it in not only his dark eyes, but also his hands, his face. Everything about Romeo showed just how scared he truly was.

Was it me? Had I done something to cause such fear? But what? All I was doing was answering his stupid questions about the names of different people and-

That's when I understood. The monstrous headache, the questions, the look on his face... I had had trouble with my memory before, could it be... Could it be that I forgot something? Could it be that I didn't answer his questions correctly, even though to me it seemed like all the answers were right?

Yes. With every moment I spent staring at the guy, the truth settled down more and more. There was at least one question that I had failed, there was at least one person who I had mistaken for somebody else. But who?! It-it couldn't have been Fred, right? Of course not! Was it... Was it Romeo's name? Or mine?! No no no! I couldn't forget my own name, I couldn't, I would never! A human being can never forget their name! Even in Cellblock X I remembered who I was, despite the fact that I didn't really need my name there.

But then, who? Jesse?! No, not Jesse, not him. Um... Binta? No, of course not, I would always remember how she would annoy me to the point where I was about to stab her in the back three times. Who?!

I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath, my hands gripping my forearms tightly. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe my memory would ever betray me like that.

- How many? - I asked silently, my voice quivering just enough for my roommate to hear. Something began prickling behind my eyes as I shook my head, unable to conprehend it. How? How could this happen?! Was it because I had been turned human? O-or because of my age? Or because I had done something unforgivable?!

That horrible little question was in my head, the question I had been asking myself since the night Fred died. A question that was with me through the entire time I was in Sunshine Institute, that was nagging in my head when I was forced to sit on one place, bound and muzzled and unable to move.

Why me?

What had I done to deserve this? I had never stolen anything, I had never meant to kill anyone! Well, maybe with an exception for the Warden, but he had it coming! I swear he had! He had tortured me so much, he had forced me to go through so much pain, I... It hurt. Was I really supposed to forgive him for everything he had done to me? Should I... Should I have stopped myself before killing him? Should I have let Jesse talk things out?

Two warm hands took a loose grip on my shoulders. I stared on the ground in a pitiful shame, looking as Romeo's shadow leaned above mine. He was trying to be gentle. It worked.

- How many? - I repeated louder. - How many of them have I gotten wrong?
There was a short pause. I felt my roommate brush his fingers up and down my arms in desperate attempts to calm me down. No. He couldn't calm me down. I needed an answer! I needed an actual number so that I could understand how terrible my condition was. Please be less than two, please please please, I wouldn't be able to bear two-

- Three questions. - Romeo finally replied, gently stroking my arms through the fabric of my nightgown. - And four people.

I just sat there and stared at the ground under my knees, hoping it would split and swallow me the next moment. What?! Four people?! My memory had decided I didn't need four people in my life? Four of them, who might've been my friends at some point, who had probably done me some good - they were gone from my head. Just like that. Turned into dust by a snap of fingers.