Without Me

Fine Line

1999
Ashley 20

''Calm down. Why are you so nervous about this anyway?'' Arthur asked resting a hand on her thigh, keeping the other one on the steering wheel. He kept glancing from the traffic to Ashley every few seconds.

Ashley was in the passenger seat, her hands constantly shuffling the envelopes she held over and over again. The paper was starting to crinkle under her touch as her palms started sweating. The worst part was she didn't realise she was doing it because she was to focus on looking out of the window, at the steadily moving traffic and figuring out what she was going to say.

''What if it turns out they don't think it's the right move I mean...'' She trailed off as Arthur broke heavily at a red light, which caused them both to be jolted forward in their seats.

''Sorry,'' he muttered, before pulling away again, ''look, those guys love you like a sister.''

''That's what I'm worried about Art, overprotective older brothers,'' Ashley pointed out as Arthur swung the car into the first available parking space he could find outside the studio that the guys were using for the time being.

''Well at least I won't be there when you tell them. So, good luck,'' Ashley just looked at him with an unimpressed look on her face as he lent over to give her a kiss, ''Love ya,'' he added before pulling away from her again.

''Dammit I love you too,'' she mumbled as she pushed open the car do to get out, ''I'll ring you when I need picking up.''

''You sure, last time you forgot what my number was?'' Arthur pointed out the time she'd had to Marshall to drive her because she'd completely forgotten Arthur's work number and their joint phone number.

''I got it written down on a slip of paper in my purse, so don't worry,'' he opened his mouth to speak, but Ashley had already slammed the door shut. Arthur shook his head with a smile as he watched her figure walk away, wondering how lucky he was to have her.

''Hi, erm could you tell me which studio Marshall Mathers is in?'' Ashley asked approaching the rather bored looking receptionist. He sighed, looking away from the bulky computer he was working on and looked her over.

''I'm gonna need some type of ID miss, I can't just let anybody wander in here,'' Ashley sighed, she appeared to have this trouble every time she came to the studio. What frustrated her was that not one of the guys has ever had to show ID, all they do is state their names then they're allowed up.

''Um, will this do,'' she fumbled inside her back pulling out a lanyard that had her ID for the offices Arthur was based. The receptionist glanced over it taking in her picture before then looking back at her.

''Please sign in,'' he produced a clipboard and handed it to her, ''Mr Mathers is in studio four on the second floor,'' he added once Ashley had scribbled her name, the date and the time in the relevant boxes.

''Thanks,'' she muttered, jogging towards the lift before he decided to change his mind and not let her continue to the upper floor.

The silence of the lift allowed her to run over all the thoughts that spun round and round her head. Many different scenarios came and went as she tried to figure out how they'd all react. She also had a sudden worry that they weren't all going to be there meaning she might have to repeat herself again and again and again. The notion causing her stomach to churn.

''Stop it, Arthurs right you just need to calm down,'' she whispered to herself in reassurance just as the lift doors pinged open to her final destination.

The walk past the other three studios felt like the longest walk of her life and for some reason, she suddenly felt vulnerable as another thought crossed her mind. What if the receptionist had lied and there was nobody in the studio? The feeling only overcame her because the others she had past seemed to be empty and the whole of the corridor seemed far to quiet for a recording studio.

However, that feeling was gone when she noticed Proof coming from the other direction. He stopped at the door to the studio and Ashley knowing he was waiting for her picked up the pace a little so he didn't need to wait too long.

''Hey Apple Jacks,'' he smiled pulling her into a hug before she could so much as squeak out a greeting herself.

''Are... is everyone in?'' she nodded her head in the direction of the studio, although as she peaked through the distorted glass, she could just about make out six people shaped blobs.

''Yeah, come on or they'll start thinking I got lost coming back from taking a shit again,'' he joked swinging the door open for her, ''a female has arrived,'' he announced and all of them looked up from what they were doing to stare at her.

''Did you really get lost?'' She whispered turning round to face proof.

''Twice,'' he whispered back, holding up two fingers to emphasise his point.

''Ash you ok, you don't look so good,'' Von pointed out as Ashley stayed standing in front of Deshaun.

''Um, I got something to tell ya'll,'' the second after she's spoken Marshall stood up clearing his throat but didn't say anything.

''Why are you stood up?'' Ashley questioned raising a brow.

''So I can bow once you've declared how much you love me in the speech you're about to recite because the last time you were this nervous about shit it was to tell us you'd officially started dating Arthur,'' he pointed out.

''There's no speech, no declaring my love for you and no bowing. So sit,'' Marshall immediately plonked himself back down on the sofa he had stood up from. There was a moment of teasing comments being passed around before Ashley could finally speak again.

''I have some news that concerns all of you,'' she dug around in her bag, retrieving the envelopes she had been fiddling with in the car earlier, ''here take one, it doesn't matter there all the same,'' Ashley flung the envlopes on the table all except one, which she passed to Proof who was now stood on her left, ''you to Paul,'' she added as she watched him hesitate.

''Awe did you write us all Valintine cards Ash, that's so cute,'' Denaun grinned as he picked his envelope up.

''Hell no,'' she cried out as they all started to laugh,'' and Valentine's day was yesterday,'' she pointed out.

''Oh come on that was funny,'' Marshall started before the look she gave him caused him to finish with ''or not.''

''Can I tell you my news now, or am I just wasting my time,'' when silence followed she took that as a yes, ''Arthur and I are... engaged,'' she squeezed her eyes shut waiting for the worst possible reaction from them. Instead, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her picking her up. She didn't need to open her eyes to figure out who it was.

''Congrats,'' they whispered.

''Thanks now put me back down Marshall.''

***

Marshall stood by the bedroom window overlooking the garden, thinking back to the memory that had just crept up on him. Sighing he ran his thumb over the box in his hand, hoping she'd have the same happy look as all those years ago.