Mirrorless

Chapter 15

Empty, hollow, lifeless.
A pretty little doll
On the windowsill.
Her smile never wavers.

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In the darkness, the vanilla perfume teased her, like it always did. The whispering voices that seemed to always be just out of earshot teased her, like they always did. She wanted answers. She wanted to know what happened, what the lights, the flashing, the sirens, the pain, all of it meant.

There it was again, a mirror. It was far off, it's reflective side facing away, but there was no doubt. It was a mirror. She approached it slowly, and then picked up her pace, afraid of it vanishing before she could reach it.

To her surprise, it didn't disappear the moment she reached it. In the darkness of her mind, she didn't know whether she had a body or not, so she stepped around it in an attempt to catch a glimpse of its reflective side. But every time she moved, so did the mirror. Clearly, she wasn't allowed to see herself. Why?

This question only made her chase her reflection ever more, running around in circles, endlessly and tirelessly until the mirror eventually disappeared. What little hope she had of finding answers in the mirror disappeared as well, and she was once again alone in the darkness, plagued by the conversation that was just out of ear-shot.

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Lilian woke with extreme reluctance. She found that her dreams only left her feeling more exhausted in the morning when she woke up. She wished there was something that she could do to prevent the dreams from plaguing her not  only at night but also during the day. Every moment that she wasn't occupying herself with some activity or the other, her brain was flooded with thoughts about her absurd dreams.

Lilian trudged to the bathroom, wondering if it was normal to have similar, repetitive dreams over such a long period of time. She had heard of repetitive dreams before, but never read of anything that lasted months at a stretch.

Quickly finishing up her morning routine, Lilian dressed in the first thing that she laid her eyes on, not bothering to make sure that her top and skirt didn't clash. As she stepped outside and busied herself at the kitchen, Lucille raised her perfectly shaped brows at her choice of clothing.

"Did you choose your outfit with your eyes closed or something?"

Lilian nodded absentmindedly, spooning some pancake batter onto a greased pan.

"Yeah, pretty much. I don't really care about what I'm wearing."

Lucille tutted in disappointment, approaching her and fussing with the alignment of the skirt while Lilian flipped her pancake.

"Hey, if you don't dress right you won't get guys like Aaron."

Lilian paused, turning to look at Lucille.

"Who said anything about dressing for Aaron?"

Lucille put her hands on her hips and gave Lilian a knowing look.

"Look, everyone knows you like Aaron. William even caught you staring at him the other day. Don't deny it, Lils. Having a crush is a beautiful thing."

Lilian scoffed, turning her attention back to her pancake which was nearly about to burn. She slid the pancake onto a clean plate and began spooning more batter onto the pan.

"I do NOT care about dressing up for Aaron. I don't even like Aaron. He's my friend."

Lucille raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Then why can't you take your eyes off of him whenever we're all hanging out together? You don't stare at William like that. And when William got hospitalized and I told you the next morning that Aaron made food here, your first question to me was about Aaron, not about William. So explain how you do all that and then not have a crush on Aaron."

Lilian flipped her pancake, her grip tightening on the pan handle. At her silence, Lucille threw her hands up in frustration.

"I don't see why you're trying to deny your feelings when you can't even defend yourself. You know, having a crush on someone isn't horrible, okay? You can admit it, at least to your best friends, who care about you."

Lilian whipped around, now visibly angry. She was already tired and exhausted from the kind of dreams she was having. She didn't want to be yelled at for not agreeing with Lucille.

"Oh and you caring about me having a crush or not does what exactly? Does it magically make a perfect relationship appear? No. It doesn't. And all that bullshit evidence you gave me? I don't have to explain to anyone why I behave the way I do. The least you could do is believe me when I say that I don't have a goddamn crush on Aaron and nor do I care about what clothes I wear. I have more important things to worry about and give importance to than my physical fucking appearance, okay?"

Lucille gaped at Lilian, color rising to her usually pale cheeks.

"William drank that much that day because he thought you had a crush on Aaron. Forgive me for trying to confirm something that was a reason for a friend's hospitalization."

With that, Lucille turned on her heel and stormed into her room, slamming the door shut behind her. Lilian stood rooted to her spot, her mouth gaping in confusion.

Why would William drink that much just because he thought she had a crush on Aaron?

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Aaron watched worriedly as the color drained from William's face. It had been days since William's incident, but Aaron kept hanging around William whenever he had time in order to keep tabs on him.

"You told Lilian what?"

Lucille was on speaker on William's phone. Frustratingly, Lucille wouldn't elaborate enough for Aaron to know the exact details.

"I told her that you drank that day cause you thought she had a crush on you-know-who. I'm sorry, I really am. I tried confronting her about it today to figure out whether she actually liked him or not, and she snapped at me, saying she doesn't need to explain herself, so I sort of um said that. It's not an excuse, I know. I'm sorry."

William groaned, burying his head in his hands.

"Did you say anything else?"

"No, just that."

William sighed.

"Alright, but she's not dumb, you know? It's only a matter of time before she figures out that I like her, and... that's just gonna make everything awkward."

Aaron frowned.

"I'm sorry, you're jealous because Lilian likes Voldemort?"

William laughed, much to Aaron's relief.

"Naw, man she likes someone else."

Neither William nor Lucille offered any additional information, so Aaron decided not to pry any further, instead attempting to focus on cheering a distraught William up.

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Aaron stretched to whatever extent he could on his tiny dorm bed, closing his eyes and thinking about his day. He finally allowed himself to let his poker face relax, massaging his face to relieve the stiffness that came with controlling every microexpression he had the instinct to make throughout the day.

He'd been maintaining a straight face in front of everyone for years now, but he still wasn't entirely used to being so blank all the time. He wished he could relax, and laugh and cry like everyone. Smiles were so beautiful, after all. Especially Lucille's.

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Hello frens. I feel like I'm apologizing after every chapter, either because it was not as good a chapter or because I made one of the characters do something stupid. I'm not sure which of the two it is today (or maybe it's both!) but I will once again apologize :)

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!