Nobody's

Chapter 21: Alexandra the Caregiver

"You could stay at my place, if you want." I told her, listening to her breathing increase as we drove closer to her house.

"No, I'm fine." I knew she was telling herself that and not me because it was pretty obvious she wasn't feeling fine. I didn't bother to press it, I figured it was her pride keeping her from accepting my offer. She didn't want me to play her role as the caregiver and I was trying hard not to but she needed to know I was there for her. She probably thought she was the broken one who needed fixing but if she only knew I was permanently in that spot.

"Ok, just call if you need anything." I told her, before she stepped out the car, closing the door a little too hard.

"Break it and you'll replace it." I shouted at her. I heard her giggle and felt slightly better about pulling out of the driveway to leave her alone.

I made my way home, sighing as I stepped through the front door to an yet again empty house. Mom's presence was deeply missed in times like those. I wanted to talk to her, tell her about Alexandra, listen to her always helpful advice and maybe even ask her if she'd ever thought of leaving me. But it would have to wait.

The exhaustion I felt earlier started to creep on me while I walked up the stairs. I wanted to dive in my bed, be done with that day already, forget about everything, but I knew it would be harder to do than I'd liked.

I laid in bed for what felt like hours, sleep refusing to come. I found myself wondering aimlessly downstairs, that was until I heard my name being called through my mom's liquor cabinet. I knew what I was about to do was a bad idea. Drinking and I didn't go entirely well together. Of course I loved it and that was the problem. I depended on alcohol too much, so much that I didn't try to stop myself from chugging the entire transparent bottle that was in my hand.

Each gulp I took caused something to leave my body. First was the image of Alexandra breaking down in front of me, her tear stained face slowly faded away along with her thumping heartbeat that refused to leave my ears. Second was Mal and her sorrowful eyes that managed to reappear every time I was alone. Those fucking eyes, looking at me as if I were a monster, well maybe I was but that didn't justify the way they burnt a hole in my already tattered soul. Third was the hardest to go, it only left after I was halfway through my second bottle of wine. My heart tried its hardest to hold onto the pain I felt every minute I spent in my house alone but it failed and I couldn't had been any freer. I could feel how muddy my liver was but I didn't care, if you're gonna die might as well let something you love kill you.

My eyelids became heavier after each passing second of Pretty Little Liars I tried to watch. My hands slowly followed my lids and before I could've grasped what was happening my third bottle, practically still filled, slipped from my hands and landed next to me on the couch. I noticed it was spilling all over my mom's white couch and turned my body to the side so I could get a better visual of what was happening. I started laughing when I realized how it looked as if the couch was drink some of the wine. It was only fair of me to share so when half the bottle had gone I attempted to move my hands to pick it up but somehow my head landed on the soft cushion of the couch and I didn't bother to move. I felt the wetness seeping into my jeans but I laid still unable to lift a muscle as the numbness flew through my bones. My eyes though, managed to closed and sleep took over or alcohol, whatever it was it took over.

. . . .

ALEXANDRA'S POV

I'd been calling Moya for hours but she wasn't answering. I knew she was fine, but a small selfish part of me that I didn't know existed, wanted otherwise. I hoped something had gone wrong, nothing too big, maybe she was studying and needed help. I could help her study, that was what I did best help others, especially my friends.