Crestfallen • Jeonghan [2]

26

Mother was mother; the most beautiful woman in the world.

The one who had brought me to life and sacrificed a pair of blood stained wings and a soul. The one who had smiled through the pain and flew here and there in order to find a safe haven for our family to stay in. The one who cooked the most delicious meals for us, who sent me to school as if I was just like any other boy.

Father was father; the most hardworking man in the world.

The one who had taught me how to use my once white wings the very first time they tore out of my smooth young skin, the one who had protected us from all sorts of threats; the people that hunted us down from the Above. Sometimes, when he came home with battle scars on his broad back and blood dripping from his large wings, I had always thought to myself that I wanted to be just like him.

Jisoo was Jisoo, and he was the best brother I ever had.

The word family was never complete without him. Each and every day, watching him grow up brought joy to my soul, just like how my parents felt. We knew this was a miracle, and we believed it was a reward from God after all the hardships we had faced. Finally being able to find a safe place to live in, we settled down with our new family member in a basement under the shops above. It was not exactly the best experience, but knowing that it was safer, it was enough to make everybody feel relief that we have not felt since forever.

Father and mother were never supposed to fall in love, as it was prohibited. But I thought that their love story was a beautiful one; different from the disgrace that was clearly reflected in the eyes of the Archangels. Never once would I have hated the fact that they had broken the laws of the Above and thrown to earth. If it were not for that, I would not have the best parents, or be able to experience love, life and regrets.

For the first time ever, I might have felt regret towards my existence.

I knew Jisoo was going to die. I always had. The cure to him had never been the two lives that I had taken; but instead the love that I had towards him. Now that the family bond is broken, nothing can fix it, not even time. The two lives, her parents, were only nothing but sacrifices. That was the truth that I had realized after being banished from the Above.

Why was I never born as a normal human? If things were not as complicated, maybe everyone was able to live happily. Maybe Jisoo would still be alive then, maybe I would find my own happiness too. Maybe, if I were never a Fallen, then maybe things would have worked out to become better than they are now.

But the truth about being a Fallen is, we are neither Angels or Devils. We are not humans, either. We are a different kind, never being able to fit into any of the categories. We are the unknown, nameless, isolated. Maybe that was why I had always felt resentment towards everyone. This unfairness that I was going to suffer from as a punishment had always drove me out of my mind. What was I supposed to do? Everything that I had ever done turned out wrong, even if it was for my brother. I might as well die, might as well never been born.

There are so many things that I want to express, yet none of them are valid. Nothing is able to justify the fact that I had done something terrible. Mother, father, I sincerely apologize for disappointing you. If anyone deserves to die, it is me, and not Jisoo. But I hope you will be able to meet him soon and live happily together.

Jisoo, you may not know, but I have always watched over you since you were young. Your face as a small baby still remains at the back of my mind, and it hurts me to see you go. It will hurt to know you definitely will hate me after all that you have been put through. But I'll accept it, just like how I deserve to.

Amelia, I am sorry.

+++

She counted the days that passed by. Days, weeks, months; Lia had continuously prayed. If God was really there, she thought, then maybe He was her only hope in saving Jisoo. Miracles could happen anytime, and she had wished for one, more than anything, for it to be Jisoo to be completely fine again, just like years back.