Absent

Chapter 2: Not-so-lonely solitude

I'm having a ridiculous thought. Hey, world, thanks for not waiting up on me. The streets to reach the school aren't the same, and every single changed detail stings. That house wasn't painted red before, that café was just a parking lot, that building was one floor short, that yard is missing a willow tree... To me, it feels as though I last traveled this avenue only days ago, but in reality, the days are too many to count...

The traffic is slow then speeds up, and Galileo's radio is loud and never changing. Him and Lindsey are discussing stuff that sounds like nonsense to me. I don't know the names of the people they're talking about, or the trends, or the locations. The few meaningful bits of  information that I manage to catch tell me that he is a Senior repeating the entire year. Great catch, Lin.

It's easy to tell when we have really approached the school. There are road signs pleading you to watch out, drive slow. It didn't work to save me that day. No, see? That's exactly the kind of thought I don't want to have anymore. I'm alive, aren't I?

But Ashton isn't.

Once we reach the parking lot, Lindsey and Galileo hop out and leave me behind. I observe them for a couple of seconds before I land my eyes in a boy staring at me.

And if I was myself from a year ago, I'd blush and feel embarrassed.

But this isn't that situation. His amber eyes dare to every part of my body, daring me to prove I am who I appear to be. Yes, I'm Heather. And you are...? His mass of friends try to center his attention in them again. But he's far too lost in me.

He grins when we make eye contact for a minute. I do feel ashamed, but because I allow it to continue for so long. I frown at him, and he laughs at something only we know is happening. His friends can't even follow the direction of his eyes through the crowd. But the people are only shadows that move between me and this boy.

I can't break eye contact.

He prefers not to.

The bell rings and the girls surrounding him make a last effort to claim him. An unsatisfactory effort, of course. They quit reluctantly and head to their classes. All the multitudes do, until it's just me and him and a couple of boys. When the boys block my vision temporarily, him vanishes with them.

And then it's just me.

I breathe deeply and walk towards the  building. I step through those doors and then glance backwards. A complete mistake. I envision my bloodied and bruised body bent in the street, people crying and bursting in a sprint to get a better look. But none of  matter. None of them would've attended my funeral. Those who do matter are Chester and Jimmy. And mom hasn't allowed them to visit me.

Today, I see them for the first time in a long while - long for them of course. Coma girls sleep that time away.  Will we know each other?

I realize I should go the principal's office, to... Say hello. Hi. Did my father threaten to sue you if you didn't accept me back in? Mom said this was still the best college in town, but maybe she meant it was the only one that could be legally pressured into admitting me.

Haha. I guess the principal must wish I was dead, to avoid any potential lawsuits.

Fortunately, before I have to make that trip, a door from a classroom opens and a voice rings these empty halls.

"Are you lost already?"

I exhale finally and turn around to receive Jimmy's embrace. Only until I'm in his arms I notice how long it's been since I've shared warmth with another human being. I smile gratefully for his friendship, for his kindness, for his interest.

"I love you." He says.

"Love you too, dummy,' I reply. 'How could I not?"

"I tried calling and you wouldn't pick up, tried seeing you but the door was always locked," he explained, afraid to let go. "But here you are, and you're real, and I missed the hell out of you."

He ends our hug, but keeps an arm around my neck as he guides me to the class. "You have no idea how many times I stopped by your hospital bed."

"Haha, let me guess, plenty?"

"Many many many times."

"That's the definition of plenty."

"More than plenty."

We're keeping a slow pace, but it still feels like we reach my destination too quickly. He holds the door for me and, by habit, I just step in.

But claustrophobia kicks in. The room is so small and full, the chattering so wide and loud... And I don't belong, don't belong, don't belong... Ashton is dead and I shouldn't be here, shouldn't try being here... I should go.

I feel like throwing up, like fainting. As I turn to slip outside, some comments ring in my ears. Heather, Heather Peacock, don't you remember? Didn't she die?

I apologize to myself for forcing something that should've waited, knowing this was all an impulsive decision...

I ignore Jimmy and try fleeing.

We bump into each other suddenly. He grabs me by the shoulders to stable me. Flustered, I look at his face long enough to see his spark of recognition. Then he leans in for a stolen kiss.

Immediately I pull away.

It's none other than Chester.