Absent

Chapter 22: Not-so-long mornings

I hear her walking in, and I turn the lights on. At first she paralyzes and tenses up, but after murmuring something under her breath, she puts a tighter grip on her things and make for her room. But I'm not about to let that happen, or for her to slip right through me when I just spent day after day not sleeping a single bit. I've been waiting for her to show up, and for us to have this discussion.

"A little late, don't you think?" I let my voice ring throughout the apartment, tracing the design of the couch I'm sitting on with my fingers, much to keep my mind partly occupied with something that sooths me, in case I get out of control. I do that sometimes. "I'd advise you not to run through New York streets at 4:23 a.m." I add, seeing as she tries to give no sign that she heard. "There are people out at these times that you don't want to mess with."

"It's me you don't want to mess with." Lindsey corrects, standing straight and facing me, without a hint of fear or embarrassment. I can see the marks beneath her eyes, her hair in a dirty mess, and her skin bruised. She must put a lot of makeup on if I hadn't seen it before, even with daylight shining on her. "Now shut the hell up."

"I'm not anyone to listen to your orders."

"Nor am I."

"What do you mean?"

"You're trying to sound like the responsible one. Well, that just doesn't fit you, does it?" Lindsey snaps at me. I urge her to go ahead and speak her mind out. "I know you used to cut yourself. You can't trick me."

"Who said I ever tried to trick you?"

"Oh, that's right; you never said anything to me back then. Not even lying when I asked you questions. You simply ignored me, like I had the presence of a ghost in your life." Lindsey says, expecting me to answer. I take my chances and go for silence. She continues, "Just like that, thanks for the reference. I sincerely spent a year of my childhood wondering if I was a ghost, because no one seemed to notice me there."

"We had a fucked up family, I get that. We both did, Lindsey."

"But you had Ashton! You had him! What did I have? What did Javier and I get?" She screams at me, pleading for me to deny her. That'd just set her off, so I go for silence again. "He loved you! He only loved you! And you only loved him! You only love him!"

"That's not true, Lindsey. If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be here at all. Not in New York, and not awake at this early hours. Trust me, I would've evaded this if I didn't think it could help you, or at least take Mary off your back. I'm doing you a favor here, Lindsey. You should at least consider participating with your heart and soul on the rehab-"

"-Oh, to hell with rehab. I'm fine! Alcohol has always been a part of me. I just need to learn to control it, but not to quit it."

"Lindsey-"

"-I'm not quitting." She states, and I can't give myself the luxury of interrupting her again. "So go ahead and pretend you're a saint, and that you have your best wishes at heart. But no matter what tactic you use on me, I'm not quitting."

"Not even for Galileo?" I ask, after a few minutes of silence.

"He loves me as I am."

"Do you love him?"

"It's none of your business."

"He's a friend of mine. I have the right to know if his girlfriend is cheating on him."

And with that, I turn a spark in her eyes. "What the hell? I'm not cheating on Galileo."

"Then what the fuck do you do outside at these hours?"

"Get drunk and sleep at the bar, hoping to get sober soon and walk back home. Sometimes the hangovers are just too impossible to deal with. Sometimes I come back easily and make my way throughout the day. But shitty days are shitty days." She states, covering her face with her hands. "If we're done here, sleep could do me good."

"Yeah, go get some hours of sleep before we continue this fight. It's not over." I agree, acknowledging that in our second month we finally had some progress.
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"Heather?" Adrianne says, genuinely surprised to see me. "I thought you were just never returning to school."

"A student's gotta do what a student's gotta do." I murmur, not in the mood for chatting. Lindsey and I had another big argument last night. Or this morning. Somewhere around that time.

"But are you sure you won't freak out or anything?"

"I'll try my best. Trust me, I'm way too sleepy to care about how many pairs of eyes are watching me. I can't even count straight. So if you should be worried about anything, is about how to drag me to the apartment if I pass out from tiredness."

"Let's just hope you don't." She says, laughing. She's so nice.

We arrive to school, and at first I do as I told Adrianne. But then the effect of my lack of rest wears off, and I can't help but feel as if I'm being pursued down each hall. Besides, as much as I repeat everything on my mind, I can't remember which corridor is which and the number of each class. Thank God Adrianne isn't very social, and prefers to spend the day rescuing me instead of enjoying the company of her friends. "I do consider you my friend." She says at the end of the day, congratulating me for doing well, and I can't help but remember Tyler as she says that.

Eventually, thinking of Tyler leads me to thinking about everyone else back at Bellavista.

And my heart just swells up when I think of Alexander Magalski.
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"You're new."

I look up from my sandwich and into some blue eyes. A boy is staring at me. It's too little to say it's making me uncomfortable. "Yeah, I'm new. Do all the new ones have to receive stares?"

"Oh, sorry. I just... you're too damn pretty. How the hell have I not noticed you here before?"

"If that's your pick-up line, then you're going to have to keep staring at girls to win them."

"Funny."

"Stalker."

"Not quite."

"Just go."

"Not until you and I have a date."

"Not happening."

"You don't know me. Give me a chance. I'm a very neat guy."

"Not interested."

"Oh, come on." He pleads, sitting on the other side of the table. I try to keep my mind entirely in my food. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Sort of."

"Well, is he here?"

"No."

"Then what's keeping you from dating me?"

"Sincerely?" I say, tired of his game. "You're annoying and a stalker type of guy. And you don't know how to woo a woman, if that's what you were trying to do. Now get the hell away from my table, for God's sake."

"Yes ma'am." He murmurs, standing up and leaving.
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I get to the apartment and breathe it's air gratefully. Going to school has never required so much patience and energy, and I'm not sure I'm ready to do manage 5 days a week. I put my ear on Lindsey's room, but there's no sound, so I assume I'll have to stay awake today. That's just awesome.

I check my phone and find a missed call from Jimmy. I press call and throw myself on the couch, enjoying the peace.

"Hey Heather, how are you doing there?"

"Oh, I'm grand. Minor problems to deal with, but they're becoming oblivious."

"Not sure how I feel about that, but it'll have to wait. I'm delivering my weekly report."

"Shoot."

"Alex's health is good, and he hasn't skipped a day." He says, but I can sense he struggles with the words.

"And?" I continue.

"He's dating Gissele Shields."