Hold You Down

|XX|

"Your nightmares follow you like a shadow, forever. "

― Aleksandar Hemon, The Lazarus Project

Comment , vote, share & add.

R.i.p. Aleah Røman Alsina *media*
____________________________

.:A U G U S T :.

"Aww you have a beautiful ,healthy baby girl." The nurse said, handing her to Mercedes.

Mercedes smiled as she looked down at her.

"Ya still gonna name ha Aleah?" I asked, she nodded.

"Please." She said,I nodded.

"It's pretty." I said going over to her. I picked her up.

"Daddy can I see her?" Drew asked, I bent down to his level as I let him see her.

"So she's my little sister?" He asked, I nodded.

"Yep."

"So I gotta protect her?" I slightly chuckled.

"Yep." I said standing up straight with her. She did look like her moma, jus like Mercedes wanted. She was just lighter, probably got it from Mercedes Grammy Rosé.

I kissed her forehead as she opened her eyes and smiled at me, sinking her dimples in. I smiled back as I bit my bottom lip.

Then she got lighter..she started fading away.

"Aleah.." I mumbled, confused.

She faded away until she was completely gone.

"W-where she go?" I asked, starting to pace around the room.

"Where she g-go man?" I asked and it's as if everyone started fading away slowly.

"Bye daddy!" Drew said waving.

"W-wait Drew, no what's going on!?" I said trying to reach do him but it was too late.

I looked around and I was in this completely white room, by myself.

Then voices started coming.

Your fault

It's your fault

It's always your fault

It was always your fault

It will forever be your fault

They got louder and louder. I covered my ears as I tried to tone them out but it made them louder, ringing in my ears.

"Ah!" I woke up as I looked around. My heart was beating fast..this guilt was eating me alive and I don't even know if I should even feel guilty, but I was.

"Baby don't leave." Mercedes mumbled as she kept her eyes close, snuggling closer to me. I took a deep breathe as I wrapped my arms around and laid my head on hers.

"I'm not baybeh, I'm hea'." I whispered as she started falling back to sleep.

We've been in this hospital for 2 days, they haven't released her yet, and I refused to leave her even if I had to miss a few shows.

I rubbed her curls and kissed her forehead as I slowly got from under her. I got up and went to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror.

I shook my head and pissed . I washed my hands and went back in the room with Mercedes , she was up now .

"Why you leave me ?" She asked changing the tv channel with her monitor.

"I had to piss baybeh." I said getting back in the bed with her. She sighed as she hugged my waist.

"August..I just wanna go back home." She said as she started looking up at me. I looked back at her.

"Ya wanna be by y-ya'self?" I asked. She bit her lip and shook her head.

"No I just.." She trailed off. I nodded.

"I understand." I mumbled. "My tour is only 2 mo weeks and we can go home."

She sighed.

"Okay , I'll try." She said .

The nurse walked in.

"Hey Mercedes, are you ok? You ready to eat?" She asked, Mercedes shook her head. She haven't ate since it happened. The nurse sighed putting her hand on her hip.

"You gotta eat Mercedes, it's policy." She said. Mercedes closed her eyes hard before reopening them and sitting up.

"Okay." She mumbled. The nurse nodded before bringing in a tray.

I got off the bed and sat in the recliner next to the bed.

She slid the table to Mercedes over the bed as she sat her food down.

"Thank you." Mercedes mumbled as she started playing with the broccoli.

"No problem honey, sir would you like me to get you anything? Maybe from the cafeteria ?" She asked me nicely, I shook my head.

"Nah I'm good." I said low, she nodded before leaving, closing the door behind her. We both haven't ate since it happened.

"Baybeh please eat." She shook her head, continuing to play with it.

"Why should I?" She mumbled.

I took a deep breathe as I sat in front of the tray, taking the fork from her.

"Hea'." I said with some food on the fork, holding it to her mouth. She looked at me, not opening her mouth.

"Eat!" I said. She pouted before opening her mouth and eating it.

"Eww I hate hospital food." She whined as she chewed. I got some more on the fork, getting her ready to eat some more.

"Ya'ion get no love until ya eat it all." I said , she pouted as she continued to chew.

"Stop takin' so long guh." I said , she swallowed and reopened her mouth.

"This isnt fair. You should have to eat this shit too." She mumbled. I scoffed.

"If I eat some witcha , will ya stawp complainin'?" I asked, she nodded. I sighed putting some in my mouth. She got a extra fork and ate it with me.

"August.." She mumbled after swallowing her food. I head nodded as I put some more in my mouth.

"Yes baybeh?" I said. She sighed.

"Never mind." She mumbled. I shook my head ,raising her face.

"Talk bout it, wuteva it is." I said. She closed her eyes and shrugged.

"Are you mad at me for losing your child?" She asked looking back at me. I furrowed t eyebrows.

"Why wuld I be mad fa somethin' ya can't control. Cedes please don't ask me shit like that , ya know I'm not. I would neva blame ya fa som like that." I reassured her. She rubbed her arms.

"I know I just...I don't know, it crossed my mind." She said.

"Well I'm not." I said, she nodded.

"Thanks. And don't blame yourself anymore either." She said, I bit my lip and nodded.

"I'm trying." I said , she played with the cord on her arm as she continued eating and I watched her, the blaming game repeating again in my head.

__________________

I hope I ain't depressing yall 😬😬