Hold You Down

|XXVI|

When you're on your own, you look for signs. Sometimes you make them up, sometimes they're actually there, but most of the time you can't tell the difference from the two."

― Cecelia Ah

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.: A U G U S T :. .

• a month later •

I was outside, waiting for Mercedes. She was finally out of the hospital and I had signed myself in a rehab center a month ago and I was released today. Mercedes and I is still on this break but we haven't dated no one else, and honestly nobody else is really my type. It was a girl name Trina tryna get at me but she's in the center and that's self explanatory.

I felt better mentally and emotionally , I just hope this help helps me and Mercedes relationship. She was proud of me and that made me feel good just that.

Today we was gonna take Drew to this new playpen place. Cutting off my thoughts, I saw her pull up. I knew she probably wouldn't get out since she still has some troubles breathing.

I got up, starting to walk to her car. I opened the door and got in.

"Hey Drew!" I said looking back at him, he waved at me.

"Hi dadda'." He said, I turned back to Mercedes . She weakly smiled and I smiled back.

"Hey!" I said. She kinda looked down.

"Hi." She said low. Her voice was softer now. I raised her face up, leaning in to kiss her but she moved her face to where I kissed her cheek.

"I'm proud of you August but not yet." She said low, I nodded.

I tucked my lips as I sat back putting my seatbelt on. She put the car in gear and pulled off.

"I just wanna make you happy Mercedes.." I said low, looking out the window.

"You do August. I'm just not ready to get off this break, I think it's good for the both of us, please try to understand August." She said softly, I sighed. Something I've been to therapy for, understanding a woman's point of view.

"I unda'stand baybeh." I mumbled laying my head on my hand.

She sighed before it got quiet then the radio playing low and Drew making low sounds.

"You hungry?" She asked, I shrugged.

"Yeah I guess." I mumbled still looking out the window.

"Yes or no August!" She tried to get loud but her voice only cracked. I looked over at her .

"I'm hungry for ya love but I'm bein' starve so why not be starved physically too." I said. She closed her eyes before taking a deep breathe.

"August what you want to eat?" She asked again. I shook my head.

"Nothin'." I mumbled as I looked back out the window.

I heard a sigh then sniffling, I turned around.

"What's wrong witchu?" I asked. She wiped her face with one hand.

"I love you August. I just don't wanna be hurt again and again and again and AGAIN AUGUST why can't you just deal with the break without making it harder?" She tried to yell as her tears fell. I wiped her face, kissing her cheek.

"I'm tryin' hard as I can Mercedes please just.." I trailed off as I looked at her. She nodded as she kept looking at the road.

"Okay ." She said low . I sighed as I put my head in my hands. I'm trying so hard but it's easier said then done. Mercedes is just that type of person when once you'd had a person with them, you can't just be friends or on a "break", it's almost as if it's impossible.

If I could travel back in time , I would change so many things. Not so that we would've never met or got together but so she would've never got hurt as much as she did.

•

•

We finally made it to this playpen place. I got out and helped Drew out as Mercedes was already out.

"C'mon Drew!" She said grabbing his hand as she walked in.

I put my hands in my pockets as I watched them and looked at my surroundings . I went on in as I saw Mercedes already going to a table . I went up to them as Mercedes bent beside Drew.

"Don't go too far and don't go with strangers. Don't hit other kids . But go have fun!" She said, he smiled as he nodded and gave her a hug.

"Ok mommy! Bye daddy!" He said as he ran off to the play area.

She looked at him run there and then sat down. I sat down on the other side of the table and just looked at her.

"So um h-how's your lung?" I asked before clearing my throat.

She nodded.

"It's fine. Just can't do stuff that'll get me out of breathe." She said.

"I guess you haven't had no sex, huh?" I said with a straight face but she chuckled.

"No I haven't . Besides I wouldn't anyway we're on a break, not broken up." She said leaning her head on one hand. I side smiled as I played with one of her hands.

"Yeah. That's right." I said looking up at her side smiling.

•

•

.: J O H N A T H A N :.

"Alright you're free to go!" They said opening the car door before releasing my handcuffs.

Almost 7 years in jail , all because of that punk ass nigga I call my son.

My anger built up over the 7 years and now it's over flowing. He aint gonna see it coming.

I popped my fingers and neck as I sat back, looking out the window with a straight face as this driver took me wherever .

I know that nigga famous, got with Shellie's hoe daughter and got a son so I'm just gonna pay them a visit...very...very..soon !

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