United Vibe Imagines and Preferences

I'm Different Now, I'm Not That Little Girl Anymore Mummy// Arielle

*Flashbacks will be in italics, the prompting line or the title name will be in bold and italics and the present time will be in normal font*

"I want you to imagine a 10-year-old version of yourself sitting right there on this couch" 

Jack and the group had forced you to get up and take you out due to the scary flashbacks you had been having at night whilst sleeping. In hesitance, you agreed, only because you didn't want Jack to worry about you anymore and because you wanted to be safe again. 

At 10, you weren't a very confident girl. Due to everything going on in your life, you were struggling with your self-image - something you shouldn't have had the need to worry about but, because of your awful upbringing by the parent who should love and protect you at all costs, you learnt very quickly that, you weren't anything special - in fact, you were just a piece of nothingness that shouldn't have even been brought into existence. 

So for you to imagine you at 10-years-old again, as asked by the counsellor, it was hard but, you managed to do it as the sufficiently older man prompted you with another prompt. 

"Now, this is the little girl who first believed she was fat and ugly and an embarrassment," 

"Fat," 

"Ugly,"

"An embarrassment," 

These were all words that you heard quite a lot growing up but, as soon as you hit 10, those words were screamed and drilled into your head all day every day, not getting any breaks from it. Those three words were the only words that you knew in your vocabulary so, after your parent stopped speaking to you with those words and the day was over and you were in bed, you started to say them to yourself, or you would etch them into the skin of your wrist, right where your pulse point and the clear point of your arteries and veins were. You wouldn't cut too deep to make your wrist bleed, only because you weren't into that shit just yet, but just deep enough that the words would be etched in so that to your liking, you could still see the words etched in but for someone else, it would be slightly harder. 

Having to go back into that mindset as a 19-year-old, watching her 10-year-old self go through that was getting at you, it really was, you had honestly regretted in agreeing of getting out of the house with the group today if this was all that they had planned for the whole day. 

"I want you to imagine her sitting there right now!" 

It was exactly like if 10-year-old you was really in front of you as you, your boyfriend Jack and your friends Jon, Elliot, Kieran, Blaise, Kyra, Kayla, Mahalia and Estelle all sat with a counsellor as you had been having really bad flashbacks at nighttime when you were sleeping with Jack. It had been scaring him just as much and thought it was only the right thing to do. You didn't hate Jack for dragging you over here, you didn't hate your friends for not stopping him either. You knew it was the right thing to do but, you just didn't think you would be strong enough to explain everything to the counsellor without breaking down or having the flashbacks again. 

"So, Arielle, I understand that you had a rough childhood right?" The sufficiently older guy said as I nodded my head, Jack grabbed my hand for comfort as he squeezed it, making sure that I knew he was there 

"Yeah, I did, but thankfully I got out from it but, it's all starting to come back," I said as he nods his head as he writes down what I'm saying in dot point form on a piece of paper 

"How has it been coming back? Have the memories been coming back via flashbacks or night terrors or daydreams even?" The guy asked as I nodded when he first said flashbacks