I entered the kitchen. "Youre up early?" A tired voice said from behind me. I turned and it was Jongho. "Cant sleep?" I asked him. He nods his head. "I keep waking up. You?" He mumbled. "Havent slept. Too much on my mind." I said keeping it short and simple. He went through the fridge and took out a bottle of water. "Do you really want to join?" He asked. I shrugged. "I dont know. I want to join to help and to be with you guys. But i dont know if i can handle all this shit, i dont think i can live a double life." I explained. "Its easier than you think. Yeah fighting can he hard, but living a double life is easy. At first when killing i think of it as watching a movie in my point of view. But then after, once it is all over i feel bad. Thinking of it as a movie made me not feel bad. So, thats how i handle it. Living a double life can be like: with others you can be a person you want to be or yourself and then when alone and fighting you can be sinister and bad ass. Its cool to think about. All you need is strength and you need to practice defense and shooting. I gave you the hacks of everything. Do you think you can do it?" He said. Ok so let me get it through.
gang hacks with jongho:
-when killing think of it as a movie in my point of view
-living a double life: i can pretend to be someone i want or myself and then when fighting i can be bad ass
-practice defense and shooting
-have strength"Maybe." Was the only thing i can say. "Ok. Listen, i just gave you shit in case you are sure of joining. But you dont have to ok. We really dont want you to, but if you want to then do it." He said. "Wow thanks for the help." I said sarcastically, earning a chuckle from him. "Its all up to you. After this, shouldnt you at least now know what you want. I answered the two topics you were most worried about." He said. I nod my head. "You should go to sleep. Im probably gonna be up a little longer." I said. "Right. Dont stay up too much. If you agree in joining he might put you in training by the afternoon." He said walking away. I did what i came here for and then i left.
I fell on my bed and already felt like i was drifting to sleep. But was awoken by the door opening. "I cant sleep." It was San, he came in with shiber. "Then kill me." I suddenly blurted out. "No, im gonna be next to you." He said closing the door and coming next to me. "I think i made my final decision." I said. "What is it?" He asked. "Im joining." I answered. Im joining, but imma try to die just to get out of this messy life. "You arent just trying to die?" He asked. "No, i really want to. Ill join you guys on the next mission you have." I said. "Isnt that too early?" He asked. I shook my head, but then i remembered he cant see me. "No, its fine." I said.
I woke up, shiber was on the floor and San was hugging me from behind. I tried getting shiber and I successfully got it. I hugged him and tried falling back to sleep. But i heard San wake up. "What happen?" He asked. "I was getting shiber." I said. I turned around and his black&red hair was a mess. I smiled but it quickly went down remembering my thoughts. I cant just die, these people are like my family. I dont want to hurt them. "Shiber fell?" He asked. "Yeah, i thought about it again. Im not joining." I said. I saw him smile. "Good, i dont want you to be put in danger." The door then opened.
"Y/n! San is missing!" Wooyoung yelled entering my room. Me and San both looked up at him. "Nevermind! He is in y/n room!" I heard him yell. "We have a meeting." He said before leaving.
San got up. "Ill come back. Change and wait for me here." San said before getting Shiber and exiting my room. I got up, changed into comfortable clothing and put my hair up in a messy bun. I removed the makeup, which i forgot to take off last night.
Waiting a few minutes, San came. "Lets go." He said holding out his hand. I took a hold of it and we both left to go to the meeting.
Everyone seemed surprise, i guess they think me and San are together. "Please sit down." Hongjoong said. Me and San both went to the empty seats, which were across Yeosang and Seonghwa. "Y/n, did you make your final decision?" Hongjoong said. I looked at all the boys, they were like my family. I wouldnt want to hurt them just cause of joining. "Yes." I answered. All the boys eyes were on me. All with worried expressions, except Hongjoong. Hongjoong had a smile. "Im not joining." I said. I saw a smile slowly creep on everyones face. Hongjoong kept the smile on his face. "Ok... now shouldnt you be heading home?" He said. "After getting a hug from all of you. Because i want a hug." I said smiling. They all got up and hugged me. After that i made my way home.
Lmao i didnt know how to end so oops. How was everyones week? I have to run the mile this week, and i wanna die cause its suppose to be hot this whole week UGH!
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