All Is Said {Sequel to Say Anything}

86. We're Okay

"Where'd you go?" Sebastian asked me later that day as I entered our bedroom. He was laying down with Johnny next to him. I took in the sight before walking into our shared closet to change. 

"Just needed air," I said with a shrug with my back to him.

"That didn't answer my question," he said as I heard the bed shift. I turned and looked at him as he made his way over to me.

"Does it matter where I went? There are times when you leave and I don't question you," I shot back before turning back to the clothes in front of me. I felt arms wrap around me and I shrugged them off. "I think I'm going to spend the night with Scar and Rose. You can have bubba tonight, I'll be sure to pump enough to last you the night," I said picking out an outfit for tomorrow to pack. 

"No you're not. What's going on with you Trix?" he asked sounding desperate. 

"You just told me that our son's first birthday didn't matter to you. So excuse me if I'm a little pissed off right now," I said brushing past him and into the bedroom. I picked up my pump and carried it into the guest room so that I wouldn't wake up Johnny. A few minutes later Sebastian walked into the room with the baby monitor in hand. He closed the door and sat down on the ground across from me. 

"His birthday means everything to me, don't you dare doubt that. I was just frustrated in the moment and didn't know what I was saying," He said scooting closer as I began to pump. 

"Could've fooled me," I mumbled looking down at the carpet. There was a moment of silence and when I looked up Sebastian held a look of annoyance on his face. 

"You know what, I'm not gonna do this with you right now. You're going to believe what you want to believe, and I'm not going to argue with you about our son's birthday. You must not know me if you really think I could care less about the day our son was born. Have fun at Scarlett's," he said before standing up and exiting the room without the baby monitor. I sighed and continued to pump. Once I was done I put the bottles in the fridge. I know he cares about Johnny and his birthday, I'm not exactly sure why I'm so annoyed and pissed off, but I am. 

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Sebastian's P.O.V

After leaving the guest room I went and sat down in front of Johnny's crib just watching him sleep. I'm not sure what's going on with us, but lately Trixie and I have been getting mad and frustrated with one another over the smallest things. Today was no exception. It doesn't help that she's planning on escaping to Scarlett's instead of facing this head on. 

"I'm not sure if you can tell, but mommy and daddy are having a rough time. I just want you to know that even when we argue we still love you and each other. We're gonna be okay bubs," I said brushing a hand over the head of my sleeping child. Even though Trixie and I are going through a small rough patch right now I'm going to try my hardest and make sure we pull through for Jonathan. He's the most important thing in both of our lives. 

After an hour of watching Jonathan I went and moved into the master bedroom and laid there staring at the ceiling. I just want to know what the hell is going on with us and fix it. Arguing with Trixie is one of the worst feelings in the world. The only two things worse than arguing with her is going to sleep angry with her and going to sleep without her by my side. That night was one of the hardest nights for me to fall asleep. And almost as if on cue, Johnny let out a wail and I rolled over and looked at the time, 3:40am. 

I made my way out of bed and into the nursery to find him using the edge of the crib to prop himself up. I picked him up and carried him into the master bedroom. I tried rocking him, singing to him, and changing his diaper, but he wouldn't sleep or stop crying. Which I figured would happen since he usually needs Trix to get him to sleep if he wakes up in the middle of the night. 

"Let's see if a bottle helps you," I said kissing the top of his head gently before heading downstairs. I walked past the living room and went into the kitchen and warmed up a bottle. As I was walking back to go upstairs I noticed Trixie asleep on the couch with her song book on top of her. I gently smiled at the sight as I fed Johnny, but the smile went away soon. It hurt to see her alseep on the couch and not in bed with me. 

After feeding, burping, and putting Johnny back to bed I walked back into the living room and picked up Trixie. She's a pretty heavy sleeper most nights, so I didn't wake her up upon picking her up. Once in the room I laid her down on her side of the bed before going to lay on my side of the bed. I cuddled into her and kissed her shoulder before mumbling, "We're okay" and I just kept repeating it, more as a reminder to myself than my sleeping wife.