2 | FREE FALLING ( Peter Parker )

TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY | IN MOURNING

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the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.

-the gift // buffy the vampire slayer

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New York City was silent. Buildings had fallen as result of planes losing their pilots. Cars were crashed into each other, into telephone poles, into shops and buildings. Bella wandered the streets of the city, still in her clothes from the battle. Her hair was matted with a combination of blood and dirt, and her face was no better. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the cracked passenger window of a totaled car. The only spots of clean skin on her face were from the tears she'd shed hours ago.

Numbly, Bella entered Peter's apartment building. If May was alive, Bella needed to tell her what was going on. Ever so slowly, as her bones creaked with exhaustion, grief, and pain, Bella made her way up the nine flights of stairs to Peter's apartment. She held her breath as she knocked on the door.

"Pet—" May's voice died in her voice as soon as she swung the door open.

Lips trembling, Bella shook her head at the older woman.

"I don't know where he is," Bella said weakly, feeling more tears pool in her eyes. "I— It's my fault he went with Tony— I wasn't helpful enough— I— May, I'm so sorry."

May paid no attention to what Bella was saying. She reached out and pulled Bella into a tight, deep hug. Sobbing, Bella clutched the back of May's shirt. May was crying too; Bella could hear the quiet sniffles. Slowly, May walked Bella backwards into the heart of the apartment. Her eyes were red as she pulled away.

"Tell me what's happening."

Closing her eyes, Bella sank down into the couch. She waited until May was sitting next to her to start talking.

"There's this... alien. Thanos. He— he was trying to collect these things called Infinity Stones. Tony, Peter, and some other guy got pulled up into space while trying to protect one of them. Tony said I would be most helpful alerting Ashara— Nike, about what was happening. We went to Wakanda to protect the Mind Stone."

A surge of anger blasted through Bella. If they had just listened to her and destroyed the Mind Stone, they wouldn't be in this mess.

"It was what was giving Vision his powers. Thanos got it. He got all of the stones. And now half of the universe is dead. Probably even more because of all the after effects of it."

She closed her eyes and saw Ashara disappearing in front of her. She could still feel the way Ashara disintegrated under her grip. She rubbed her hands on her thighs, trying to get rid of the feeling of the dust.

"I lost Alex. I lost Ashara. She died right in front of me, May. She was helping me when she just... fell apart. And— and I have no idea where Peter is or if he—" Bella cut herself off and clamped her mouth shut. She couldn't even say it. "All of this— I think this is worse than I felt when my mom died, because at least when that happened I had Alex and there was justice. Now? There's nothing."

[ ... ]

With a towel wrapped around her head, Bella slowly made her way out of the bathroom. She was dressed in a pair of Peter's sweatpants and one of his favorite t-shirts with a cheesy science pun of it ( "If you believe in telekinesis raise MY hand" ). Her dirty clothes were balled up in her hand and she didn't know whether to put them in a bag to clean once she got back to the compound or just throw them out completely. She was more inclined to the latter.

Down the hall, she could hear muffled sniffles. May. Bella was sure she was all cried out, but May definitely wasn't. Bella dropped her dirty clothes into the trash and made her way to May's room.

"May?" Bella knocked on the door and waited for a response. 

May opened the door with eyes even redder than before and a wet face. "Hi." She forced a smile. "I didn't hear the water turn off."

Silently, Bella pulled the woman into a hug, just as she had done for Bella earlier. Bella might have potentially lost a boyfriend, but May would be losing a son if the worst was true. Bella couldn't even begin to imagine the pain May was feeling. She squeezed May as tight as she could without hurting the woman. This grief didn't just belong to her.

"Do— Do you need anything?" Bella asked softly. "Food? Water?"

May pulled back and wiped her face. She toyed with the sleeve of the shirt Bella had on and frowned. "This was his favorite shirt."

Was. Bella didn't want to think of Peter as a past-tense. She couldn't. She wouldn't. Not until she had proof.

[ ... ]

At noon on a Tuesday, Midtown High should have been bustling with bodies. Instead, it was like a wasteland. In a moment like this, though, where Bella just wanted to escape, Midtown High seemed like the perfect place. This was the place where she met Abby. The place where she became friends with Ned and MJ. The place where she told Liz the biggest secret the kept. The place she asked Peter out on a date. Now, they were all gone and school was her only memory of all of them intact.

Bella could have made her way to Peter's locker with her eyes closed. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she ripped the lock off and threw it to the ground. Normally, she hated using the enhanced strength, but these were not normal circumstances and she didn't have the patience to do Peter's combination. Just as she expected, his oversize, blue Midtown hoodie was hanging on one of the hooks. Bella grabbed the hoodie and the pictures he had hanging up. She slipped the pictures into the right pocket of the sweatpants and clutched the hoodie in her hands. Slowly, she raised it to her face and breathed in. The hoodie was coated in the familiar scent of the detergent May used, as well as Peter's soap and the cologne he used. If she closed her eyes, it was almost like she was hugging him and burying her face in his chest.

"Bella?"

Her eyes sprung open. Flash stood in the middle of the hallway, looking happier to see her than she had seen in years. Without warning, he ran up to her and pulled her into a hug.

"God!" he exclaimed, squeezing her so tight. "Everyone's dead, Bella! My parents just— it's just me and my sister! And— I haven't been able to get in contact with anyone. I thought I was the only person from Midtown, somehow, who didn't—"

He cut himself off and pulled away from the hug, as if he was only realizing then what he did. Bella didn't mind. Knowing there was someone else who survived, even if it was someone she didn't typically get along with, was good.

"It's insane," Bella finally said. She gripped Peter's hoodie tighter. "Do— Do you have anyone to watch you and your sister?"

It had been years since she'd seen Flash's sister. Emma had to have been around four or five at the time, and that was way back in the fifth grade — before Flash had adopted his big, flashy persona around school. Emma was ten or eleven now. Bella's heart rang out. Nobody that young — or anybody at all, really — should know what pain like this is like.

"Emma and I will be fine," Flash said. "What about you?"

Bella's face fell. How could she even begin to sugarcoat what she was feeling, what she had seen? She'd lost just about everybody close to her. All she had left were Steve and May. And they had their own grieving to do, they couldn't focus all their energy on helping her. God, it was all so fucked up.

"Everybody's gone," Bella said after a moment, shrugging her shoulders in a moment of pure defeat. "Everyone. Flash, I—"

He nodded. "I know."

And maybe he did know. He watched his parents disintegrate before his own eyes. Closing her eyes, Bella shut Peter's locker and fell back against the wall of lockers. She wanted all of this to be over.

"What are we gonna do, Flash?"

"Live for those who can't, I guess, or whatever bullshit the movies say."

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Big sad!

-peterparrker