lost - joshler ||-//

8 - josh

~ josh ~

I woke up before Tyler. He was on top of me and he looked so peaceful and sweet. I looked at his lips. They were rosy pink and matched his soft cheeks. I placed my hand over his cheeks. The marks were barely visible now. As soon as my hand was on his cheek, he smiled in his sleep. The sight of his smile, made me smile. His smile was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. He made me feel warm on the inside and there was nothing more I wanted to do than to lay here and cuddle with him. Well, there was one other thing. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him so badly, it scared me. I've been feeling like this for a while now and I knew it was wrong. I shouldn't feel this way about a boy.

But you do, you fucking freak. If he ever found out about how you feel about him, he'd never speak to you.

You're right.

You're disgusting.

You're right.

You're stupid.

You're right.

"Hmm, Watching me sleep, stalker?" His voice pulled me back to reality. His giggle. Fuck. One of the sweetest sounds ever. Hearing his cute little giggle, made me smile and I felt a blush rising on my cheeks.

Fucking freak. How weird can you get? No wonder you have no friends. No wonder no one loves you. If 'Tyty' found out what you want to do to him, he'd never even want to look at you ever again. You are nothing but an ugly stupid freak.

"You look cute when you smile." He said with a blush. I'm cute? Did he really just say that? Did he mean that?

He obviously didn't.

His touch grounded me. His hand on my cheek. My heart started to race and I wonder if he could tell how nervous I was starting to get. My cheeks were burning under his touch and I wondered if he could tell how much I was blushing right now.

"Oh, shut up," I said playfully. A smile appeared on his face.

"You look cute when you smile." His smile dropped a bit. I could tell that his negative thoughts kicked in. "Come on, Ty. It's true. Don't worry."

I took a deep breath to try and calm myself down and looked him deep in his eyes. Fuck, he was so beautiful. "Tyler." I pause and take another deep breath, "You're beautiful." I tried my best to push the words out properly but they came out as a whisper. Tears welled up in his eyes and I could tell that those were happy tears. He looked away for a second and I gathered all the courage I had in me and started to lean forward.

As soon as I started to lean into him, his eyes came back to meet mine. I kept glancing back at hip pink lips. They looked so soft. So kissable. I wanted to feel their warmth on mine. I needed to feel their warmth on mine. Our foreheads touched. I was so close to him I could tell you every beautiful detail on his face. I could tell you about his eyes had a wonderful sense of curiosity in them and even though they were brown, I could tell they were full of light. I was so close to him but I wanted me closer. I could feel his warm breath on my neck and it sent a shiver down my spine.

That's when I felt my jeans tighten.

Faggot. Getting a hard on over some boy's breath on your neck, really? You can't get more pathetic than that. This is not how you are supposed to feel about a boy. THIS IS WRONG. WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKED UP? huh? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCK UP? NO WONDER MOM LEFT YOU.

Let go off Tyler and walked out of the house.