Since I Don't Have You (Guns N' Roses - Duff McKagan)

Chapter Twenty-Five

The next day came by and I wasn't as enthusiastic as I was previously about going out riding. I didn't really want to face Duff, especially when I knew that his insecurities would still be at a high. I also hadn't seen or spoken to Slash since he and Duff had gone out for their chat.

"You okay, Shell?" Asked Izzy, as I just laid in bed. I didn't have any motivation to move and generally I was out of bed before Izzy.

"Yeah." I rolled onto my side, to face Izzy who had only just woken up.

"We didn't get a chance to talk yesterday. You and Duff obviously didn't do it, did you?" Izzy asked, referring to the so-called period sex Duff and I were attempting to do.

I shook my head as a reply. It wasn't so much about not having sex that had upset me, it was Duff's insecurities.

"Why's that?" Izzy asked, his tired brown eyes piercing into my eyes.

"Cause Duff knows about Slash and I kissing. And he now has it in his head that whenever we do have sex, I think of Slash." I answered.

Both of Izzy's eyebrows raised and he looked stunned. "What gave him that thought?"

"Slash told him that we had kissed and I told him afterwards that I have had sex fantasies about Slash." I dug my face further into the pillow, enjoying how soft it was.

"I can't fucking blame him." Izzy exclaims. "He's insecure now, isn't he?"

Again I just nodded.

Izzy was completely baffled. "Shell, you don't tell guys that you fantasise about their best mates."

"He wanted honesty, so I told him. So now he has the impression that I want to actually have sex with Slash and now while Duff and I do anything sexual, he thinks I imagine he is Slash and not himself." I sighed. "

"Jesus fucking christ." Izzy groans, rubbing his eyes. "I guess I can understand where he is coming from, but just cause you and Slash have kissed? He's getting a bit too unsettled about it, don't you think?"

"He's like that cause he knows I do have some feelings for Slash. But I made it clear to Duff that I love him and I only see a future with him. I have no intentions of being with Slash."

Izzy let out a sarcastic laugh. "And that's where you screwed yourself, Shell. You're honest and that's a great quality, but you should not have told him that. You know why?" Izzy tugged the blanket up to his shoulder, as he continued cuddling his pillow.

"Why?"

"Duff has always felt a bit threatened by Slash, when it comes to you. Duff has known how Slash has felt about you since day one and throughout your relationship with Duff, over the years; you and Slash got close. When a guy is threatened, what does he do? He lashes out, imagines the worst and gets jealous. If you remember correctly, he did that a lot, didn't he?"

I nodded.

"There you go."

"I didn't tell Duff everything though." I murmured.

"What do you mean? What else is there left to say, except for you and me?" Izzy knitted his eyebrows together. "Unless you really did fuck Slash?"

"No! I haven't done anything of the sort with Slash." I exclaimed. "But I did say to Slash that sometimes I wished he had asked me out before Duff." I say, guilt hitting me internally again.

"Like since coming back to LA or meaning when we all first met you?" Izzy asked for clarification.

"When we all first met. I only said it because maybe it would have prevented all this heartache I have had to endure." I stared down at the grey sheets we were laying on.