Yesterday's Kids

Story Time

Good morning, Battery City-

-Welcome to Better Living Radio-

-at's it for today's Thought Adjustment-

-sun shining with a nice, cool breeze of-

Happy afternoon-

Have you smiled today?

-so happy to be alive-

Enhanced pleasure!

-tonight for MOUSEKAT, learning about th-

Don't forget to smile and say h-

-state of the art PornoDroid-

Have you smiled today?

-taken my medication-

Now I can be happ-

Have you smiled today?

*STATIC*

- - - 

COLORADO, 2042. ZONE 3. ENVIRONMENT SAFETY VARIES.

Welcome to the Zones, tumbleweeds. You wanted the whole story, so here it is.

A great author once said that if you're beginning a story, assume that the reader was in an absolutely terrible mood prior to reading it, and write accordingly.

Well, I'm assuming you're just pissed now, you can tell me how I'm doing, but I'll have you know that I really don't care.

Let me tell you about our people.

There's me, I'll tell you what's going on and shit. If you think I'm doing a bad job, keep it to yourself, because I don't really care (though I oh-so-humbly accept compliments).

There's our boys, Party Poison, Fun Ghoul, Jet Star, and the Kobra Kid, you know who they are. They're the reasons you asked me to tell you this story to begin with.

There's some tagalongs, but you'll hear more about them later. There's going to be names you'll know, love, or hate, and there's going to be names you've never heard in your life. It all depends on who you know around here.

But if you listen and stick with me to the end, you'll leave with a new understanding of our past and our mission to regain and protect our freedom and save what was left of the broken humanity we had.

You may be new here, but I know you know all about the dusty orange wastelands we call the Zones. It's here; where we're all sitting around this dying campfire. The outer limits to the glistening Battery City. The real, ugly, boiling, burning world that we have left.

These stories happened here. The handful of dreamers with some major growing up to do, wearing brightly colored leather and rebelling against the evil corporation of Better Living Industries with total badassery, a sexy ass team, and a shared passion for making trouble.

These are the stories with insanely fun plans involving laser guns, secret missions, wildly unquenched pyromania, racing around in gorgeous cars from the 1970s, and hilarious, sometimes romantic, alibis.

These are the stories that are almost forgotten. I can't die with these stories, so you all need to pay attention and listen to me.

You know there are more than the four original Killjoys. Hell, you're one of them. 

These stories are about our "founding fathers" as I sometimes like to call them.

These stories are about the fun they had, and the shit they got themselves into for being complete dumbasses, and the unexpected, emotionally overwhelming situations that never seemed to stop happening to them.

These stories are about all the kids the original four brought along before the day they met their last. The kids that they saved; the kids that saved them.

This isn't specifically about Grace. I only met The Girl a few times, and all I can say about that is that I wish it could have been under better circumstances.

I feel, as a Killjoy, you deserve to know about them. My generation. Just before all of you came along.

These stories are what actually happened. I did not stretch, pull, or twist anything. I did not leave anything out unless it's a completely unneeded detail.

I know you're wondering how I got all this specific information. But I'm not telling you, so you can fuck off. That's a private subject, and you'll respect that.

In these stories, you'll see what Killjoy lives were really like during the time of Better Living. And you'll learn more about who BLI is, and who they used to be, or rather, what their mission used to be.

This isn't legend. This isn't mysterious lore. Everything I'm about to tell you is 100% official and real.

No matter what they may have told you back home, these are the true lives of the Fabulous Killjoys.

I'm not gonna start this thing yet but I figured after three years I may as well give you guys something 

12-26-21