Him

Chapter 17 - What Could Have Been

I loved him and he loved me.
What more could I ask for then that from him?

He knew all my flaws yet loved me unconditionally as he faced the many obstacles that had been put in his way on his journey to my heart.

My father who's abuse had driven my mother into a another mans arms and me into my mind to seek comfort from his harsh words and iron fists.

He was supposed to save me from it all and for a moment I thought he did.

I truly believed in him and that love would conquer all but in the end I was left where I started.

Alone.

That was until I held that fatal test result in my hand. which had changed my entire life.

I was pregnant.

In that moment being alone was no longer an option as I was thrown into motherhood.
I faced sleepless nights and tired days but not for a moment did I regret my babies.

They were suddenly my world and I knew I'd give up anything for them in a heartbeat.

Some nights after a late night feeding I'd find myself laying in bed wondering how it all went so wrong.

Why didn't I deserve to be loved? Had I done something bad in a past life to end up here?

Turning my head to see the peeling wallpaper and dim flicker of my bathroom light. The slight hum of the a/c unit above my bedroom window.

This was my life. For now.

My babies were going to have a better life then I had growing up. They weren't going to wonder if they were loved because I wouldn't give them any reason to question it.

I would never let their father hurt them. He would never get the chance.

Sometimes I wish I'd never overheard him talking about how he'd plan to betray me. How could he string me along and have me believe that we were meant to be. The wedding bells I was hearing weren't for me.

They were for her.

The girl who had made my life a living hell, constantly tormenting me had somehow managed to steal the one thing I wanted.

Him.

Closing my eyes I still caught myself dreaming of the life we could have had.

I'd never wanted extravagant things growing up seeing as my dad made it very clear I didn't deserve as much. So I would be happy living anywhere as long as Vlad and me had each other I knew we'd be happy.

I know he had money but I never took advantage of it because it's not what I wanted from him. All I wanted was us to be together.

Ever since the beginning I knew he was into some shady things and I had experienced first hand the dangers his job came with but I knew Vlad would protect me no matter what.

We had never discussed having children but I knew they would be in danger just as I had been. Every time I attempted to bring it up he would become tense and change the topic of conversation.

If he hadn't betrayed me would we have even been together anyways?

Would he have left as soon as I had told him I was pregnant?

Apart of me wanted to believe that he would've been happy to bring our babies into the world.

To love and protect them together as a family. Samantha and Benjamin I had named them.
Would Vlad have opposed the names?

I couldn't picture my angels having any other names but maybe it could have been different. The possibilities would play through my mind all those sleepless nights.

I loved him but he obviously didn't love me back, so after a while those thoughts faded away and was replaced with my future with my babies.

There was truly no way of knowing what could have been so there was not point in thinking about it.

Keeping that in mind I allowed myself to place Vladimir in the back of my mine and allowed myself to find comfort in my new found life.

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