I tend to stay in my imagination
and forget about reality.
I often forget days
Important life events
Dates
Friends
Lovers
Family
All I see is a world I control
because this world is too strong for me.
And it scares me
with its hurt.
I live in the world where I'm a somebody.
My ginger robot loved by many
Seen as a hero
Seen as someone to rely on
A mother
A force
A lover
A free spirit
A happy woman
In real life:
I'm a nobody.
A girl with mental health
A friend for you to tread on
because I'm a Pisces who keeps on giving.
My heart a waterfall
My mind a pillow
My voice a peace symbol
As you all turn and look at me with red eyes.
I do all I can to be loved,
and with that I tend to forget who I really am.
I continuously keep changing
for strangers who don't care.
I change so much
That I-
Who am I?
Who is Eleanor?
Who is this girl I see in the mirror?
I don't know who I am
so I pretend to be something
I do know.
10 years of Red Head Robot.
A decade of being someone no one will ever see
But 9 years of a stranger is what you will get.
Disappointing.
My heart stings with an excitement of dread
My hands shake like rattle snakes poisoning my throat and eyes.
Sweat
on my palms.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fuck.
Just give up
and embrace
the monster.
I don't like this world because of the way it treats me.
That's why I live in one,
in my mind,
that I can treat the same.
With characters I can relate to
because everyone here is filled up with porn and beauty
that I will never understand.
But fall in love with every time;
shocked at the pain you leave behind.
YOU ARE READING
I'm Not A Poet
PoetryMy poems are about love, loss and just being a young adult in a conflicting world. Some of these poems are also for my other books like: "Her World" and "He Is & He Was" that both contain love poems. Front cover designed by Rahma.
