CHAPTER ONE
As I sat in the computer lab, avoiding work, it suddenly fell silent. I looked up from my phone to find that people were staring at me.
I didn't know what I should do at this point. It was my final class of the day and this had happened in every class I had, I was curious to say the least.
"What the hell do you want? Stop staring at me creeps!" I say, getting up to leave.
"Maybe if you weren't such a fucking faggot we wouldn't stare, gay boy." I turned and saw Matt staring at me smirking. Tears began to form in my eyes, but I would not cry in front of them. I would not give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I don't know how he found out; I had only told one person. Well, technically it's not a person. It's my journal. My journal is my best friend, I tell it everything. I quickly searched through my bag looking for my journal. I looked up to see none other than Matt himself, holding my journal.
"Where did you get that, Matt?" It came out as a statement, not a question, seeing as it was obvious where it came from.
"I knew you were a homo since the first day I saw you fag." He said opening my journal and stopping on a page that I couldn't see. "Why don't I read your little journal here to the class, this page caught my eye more than any other." His smirk grew and grew, and it honestly looked painful, as he turned my journal around my eyes grew wide in fear and I almost fainted.
"Look everybody, little faggot boy here has a crush on Cole Michaelson." I went up to him and tried to grab my journal but he just pushed me down and started reading what I wrote about Cole.
"Another day spent thinking about him. Wanting him. Craving him. He walked by me a total of seven times today, a new best. So what if I purposely followed him around to be close to him it didn't matter to me, I love him. I love everything about him, his voice, his hair, his eyes. Everything. He is my world, if only he knew what he really meant to me. I love you Cole Michaelson, if only you felt the same way."
I can't believe he read that out loud to the whole class. The worst part, Cole was across the room from me, staring at me. I couldn't think straight so I threw my English textbook at him trying to get him to drop my journal, which he did. I grabbed my bag and my journal and ran to the bathroom.
It must have been ten or fifteen minutes I spent crying in the bathroom stalls. I heard the bell ring and didn't even make an effort to move, afraid of what people would do if I left the stall. I heard the bathroom door open and I froze, terrified that Matt might have found me.
"James?" I heard somebody say. He sounded concerned, I didn't say anything because I was too distraught to recognize the voice.
"James, I know you're in here. I can see your backpack poking out of the stall." I listened closely and realized that it wasn't Matt, it was Cole.
"Yeah...I'm over here." I said shakily, my voice sounded a little too broken for my liking. I heard footsteps coming closer to me and then I saw his shoes under the door of the stall.
"You wanna open the door?" He asked politely.
"Not really..." I slowly inched toward the door and unlocked the stall and sat back down in the corner. The door opened and his eyes grew wide. He came in and closed the door, seeing as we were in the handicapped stall there was plenty of room.
"What happened back there?" He asked gently.
"You heard what Matt said, he read my journal to the whole class. I'm honestly surprised you would want to be around a stupid faggot like me." I said in all honesty. I really hated myself; I was genuinely shocked that anybody cared about me in the slightest.
"I heard what he said, but I wanna know the real story. Your story" he was giving me this look that I couldn't read. Confusion? Interest? Curiosity? I don't know, it doesn't matter anyways. He won't want anything to do with me after this. Well, here goes nothing.
"He pretty much said everything. I have a crush on you, it's been about two years now. I think about you all the time, I have dreams about you, I love you Cole. None of that matters though, because you're straight and you have Emma, sooo..." I said calmly. Truthfully, I didn't care anymore. The only thing about this that upsets me is that I couldn't cut myself before he got there. I was reaching for my blade when I heard his footsteps and quickly put it back in its place.
"Wow...I-I I don't know what to say..." I knew this situation was making him uncomfortable so i just grabbed my bag and stood up. I was almost through the stall door when he grabbed my arm.
When i gasped and scrunched up my face, he rolled up my sleeve and his eyes were the size of tennis balls.
"I never thought you were a cutter, you're always so happy and stuff." he said shocked and confused.
"Yeah, I do all that for a reason. I hate talking about it." i said flatly.
"I'm so sorry." what he did next was probably the biggest surprise in my life.
He started kissing my scars.
"What are you doing?" I asked cautiously. He lifted his head and looked into my eyes for a moment.
"I'm counting all the times you needed me and I wasn't there. I want to make it better." he said as if it was obvious. He had just finished kissing my scars when he stood up and and leaned towards me. He was close to my face, mere centimeters away from my lips. Then he closed the distance.
The kiss was amazing, our lips moved in perfect sync. it was slow and passionate and seemed to say everything either of us had no words for. After a minute we both needed air so he pulled back, I moaned at the loss of touch.
He whispered sweetly in my ear, "I love you James, forever and always."
