CHAPTER TWO:
I woke up sad, it was all just a dream. Him telling me he loved me, him kissing my scars, all of it. I wanted to cry for days. I have the dreams often and each time is worst than the last. He'll find me crying, I'll tell him how i really feel, he'll tell me he feels the same, and then we'll kiss and I'll wake up. Each dream more vivid than the last. This one felt so real. I should know better, someone like him would never fall for someone like me. I heard from somebody that if you have reoccurring dreams, they are supposed to mean something and come true or some bullshit like that.
My "mom" came in yelling, "Get your lazy ass out of bed! You're going to be late for the bus! Get up you piece of shit!" She always wakes me up with various insults and i hate it, but what can i do? she feeds me, clothes me, and puts a roof over my head. She's not really my mom, she just my neighbor but she felt bad for me given my situation.
I got out of bed and hopped in the shower, I was feeling extra sad that morning so I had cut 10 times on each wrist. Then I washed everything i needed to and got out. I got changed then run for the bus, making it just in time. As i walked to my seat, i noticed everyone staring at me. I thought nothing of it and just assumed that my hair was messed up or something. I put my earbuds in and escaped into another world, I was only ever slightly happy when listening to music. As Iggy Azalea blasted in my ears i closed my eyes and took a deep breath. To soon for my liking, the bus got to school signalling the start of my torture.
I walked into school and all but ran straight to Pre-Ap Science. Ms. Fleming, my teacher, liked me and let me come in in the mornings and wait for class to start. The bell rang and I let out a breath i didn't know i was holding in, people started filing into class and i got out my composition book to take notes. Everyone was staring at me and class flew by quicker than usual because before I knew it, the bell for next class rang and i made my way to choir. I have a pretty good voice, if i do say so myself. Ms. Jarvis handed out some new music, "Workin' In The Coal Mine" and "Run To You" she only gave "Run To You" to me and a few other students, she wanted us to sing with another choir. Everyone kept staring, but I didn't really care so i just rehearsed my music and then left for next class, History with Ms. Chessna. Same thing happened, more staring. I hate this class, history it's so boring, like, I can't even. Then Pre-Ap English with Ms. Porter came around and I was a little bit excited because english is my favorite subject, but when i got in the class and everybody stared at me i got a bit upset. That class flew by as well and I had to go to math next. Ms. Reed is a good teacher, I just don't like math. Again, the staring, as that dragged by I was so unbelievably bored. Finally the bell for next class came around and I had to go to gym, which sucked because there aren't even any cute guys in that class. another period passed with Coach Angus yelling at me, telling my I'm not good enough while the whole class stared at me, I was getting annoyed, and then I got changed back into my regular clothes and went off to next class. Oral Interpretation with Ms. Patricia. Why do i have end my day with such a horrible class. I was beyond done with everyone staring at me. So, naturally, being the dumbass I am, stood up on my desk and yelled "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" people just kept staring and I was tired of their shit so i just huffed in annoyance and grabbed my bag then walked out of the class.
To make matters worse, Cole was walking down the hall and, you guessed it, he was staring at me too, with his jaw dropped. I was so done with all this staring shit.
I just ran past him, not looking back, and went to the bathroom to see what everyone was staring at. I wasn't wearing my bracelets today. That makes sense. Everybody saw my cuts today. Oh well. I checked my phone for the first time that day and say countless texts from my friend Rhianna saying "check out the school's homepage now!" I did and what i saw made me homicidal. Matt posted my journal on the school homepage. I need to cut again. I got into the stall, locked it, reached into the mesh flap on my bag and pulled out my razor. I just stared at in the light for a moment, admiring its beauty. I then pulled it across my wrist watching as the blood began to surface. I loved the feeling, I kept repeating the process until I was half way through a cut and the door swung open, scaring me, making me go deeper than I intended to. the blood started to gush from my wrists.
"Shit." I muttered to myself
"James?!?" I heard someone yell franticly.
"I'm a little busy right now." I reply, annoyed.
Next thing I know, my stall door is being busted down and somebody is grabbing the blade out of my and throwing it in the toilet, flushing it.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" I yell angry and upset, that blade was my best friend. I look up at the person who had thrown my blade away and I gasped.
"What do you want Matt? I say annoyed.
"I'm so sorry for posting your journal on the schools homepage, James. It was supposed to be funny, not make anybody sad." He said sadly, psh, like I'm going to fall for that shit.
"That wasn't supposed to make me upset? What the hell was it supposed to do? Make me jump for joy now that everyone in the school knows my biggest secrets and hate me for it? Gee, I can't believe I haven't thanked you yet!" I say sarcastically.
"I never thought you would do something like this!" he yelled gesturing to my cuts.
"Whatever Matt, I don't care anymore. When I get home I'm going to kill myself, and my death will be on your hands, cunt!" I scream at him and run past him, not cleaning up the blood on the floor. the blood on my wrists already dried.
I ran and ran and ran until I got home, little did I know a certain someone was following me. I sprinted in my house and didn't even bother closing the door. I grabbed the gun I keep in the kitchen and raised it to my head I was about to pull the trigger when somebody tackled me and slapped the gun out of my hand.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I screamed and pushed whoever it was off me. I wiped the tears for my eyes and saw it was none other than the boy who caused all my problems.
"Matt came to me crying and said that you just ran away from him saying you were going to kill yourself, i didn't believe him at first, but I guess he was right." Cole said slowly and shakily.
"I don't give a fuck what either of you think about it. I want to die!" I say reaching for the gun. He's quicker than me and grabs it first then sticks it in his underwear. I blush and then start to smirk.
I giggled and smirked "Is that supposed to stop me?" I was trying so hard not to fall over laughing. He just sighed and took the gun out of his pants and held it above his head. This is a problem because he's taller than me.
"I hope you know you are never getting this gun back." he said. State the obvious much? He looked around and noticed my lack of furniture. "Do you live here alone or something?"
"Ding ding ding." I said while tapping my nose. He gave me a questioning look and I decided I'd tell him.
"When my family found out I'm gay, they kicked me out and i found this old apartment and moved what I had in here. I've been living here for nine months now." I said flatly. I know that I may not be in the best situation but I'm not ashamed of it, it doesn't bother me anymore.
"That's horrible." he said astonished.
"Meh."
"You aren't living here anymore, I don't trust you to not find a new way to kill yourself." I was a little curious what he meant by that.
"Then where will I stay Cole?"
"With me."
