Lights and Cameras.

soul.

"Everyone in your places, we're starting in 10 minutes!" Breathe in, breathe out, Rosé. You got this, you've done this a billion times before. You're not even the model, stop being dramatic. This is the same as your other shoots, except this time, you're taking a picture of the girl you love who doesn't want you, it's just a little bit of difference, Rosé. You can do this. I took a deep breath and set my camera up.

After five minutes, Jennie came out and I couldn't stop myself from falling apart. She looked as beautiful as ever, but nothing matches her in the nude, and I'm not saying this in an I want to fuck her kind of way. I'm saying this as a troubled photographer, with an image I yearn to capture. Her fine curves, her bold lips, her devious eyes, her ravishing soul. I give life to her images in a dark room with a film camera I don't even know how to use, oh, the things I do for Jennie Kim. But, I would always end up with either a blank or an overexposed photo. Because that's how she is, a beauty I could never capture, she's either not there at all, or she's all over the place, and I still couldn't get a hold of her.

We didn't greet each other, not even a glance was shared. But you know what's funny? Nayeon is here, and they're acting all lovey-dovey in front of me, how fortunate. My heart aches, more than it had ever ached before. Because this time, I'm actually afraid, I might really lose her now. I stood there as they shared sloppy kisses that sent shivers down my spine, disgusting.

This truly hurts my being, does it do the same to her, too? I know, I know our souls are intertwined, cursed for an eternity. But, can she change that? Can Jennie Kim change her own fate? No doubt, she can, but it hurts me to believe she would. Does she no longer want my soul?

I overheard their conversation, and I wish I didn't. "I have to go now, babe." Nayeon spoke while Jennie clung to her like a koala. "Do you have to? Don't you want to watch me?" Jennie whined, she already had me replaced, huh. Still, Nayeon left. Jennie looked at my direction, perhaps knew that I was eavesdropping. I caught her eyes challenging mine. Normally, I would win, but right now, I couldn't. Jennie could read me like a book, I don't want her to pity me.

Click, click, click.

The sound of my shutter invaded the room as Jennie posed with a basketball. She looked and posed playfully at the camera, as per the director's instuctions. "I think it's time for a new approach now." I told the director. He nodded, but before he could do anything, he excused himself because his phone rang. "Please do what you have to, Ms. Park, I'll be back asap, thanks." Then he left, it's just me and her now, where's everybody else? Isn't this a big project? fuck.

"What do you want me to do, Rosie?" That endearing nickname she has for me, she's toying me, fucking me up. "It's time for a serious approach, give the camera stern looks." I managed to command without stuttering. Jennie complied without hesitation, but she was overdoing it. "I said stern, Ms. Kim, not seductive." She chuckled and looked at me. "It's not my fault I still turn you on, Ms. Park." She looked at me, I did the same, I''m not losing this one. "Look, we're here to do one thing, finish this shoot. Now, please cooperate, I have so much things to do." I told her, it wasn't a hundred percent true but, white lies. I grabbed my camera and gestured her to pose. "Better than me?" She asked as she still sported seductive looks. click. "Don't fuck with me, Kim. You can't just play with me feelings any time you want to, I'm not a random photographer you can toy with." click.

"Damn, and that came from you? How ironic, Rosie." click.

"You still haven't read the letters, have you?" I stopped to look at her. "I'm not destroying my heart, Rosé, I've had enough heartbreaks." She was starting to undress, stripping herself from all the fabrics she used to cover up her feelings. "Even if it means breaking my soul?" Jennie looked at me with pity, the look I never wanted her to give me; she sighed. "Let's just finish this shoot, Rosé." I nodded, stopping my tears from flowing. It's clear to me now, she'd rather break my soul.

We continued, but I can't focus with all these thoughts clouding my head. Without thought, I spoke. "I'm sorry, Jennie, I can't do this." I left the room with flowing tears. I let everyone down, but I can't stay with her without losing a piece of me.

Here I am, wasting myself at a bar. What even is life's worth without her?

My phone keeps ringing every second, maybe calls from Lisa? Who else would it be? I did tell her she'd be my replacement. It can't be Jennie, she's too busy with Nayeon doing whatever the fuck they want.

Those letters, they aren't going to break her heart, they're gonna free our souls. This reminded me of one of my short drabbles, who knew that it would really happen?

the stars are the only witnesses of our misery - how it happened, why it never stopped. our dying selves buried in unfound constellations remain hidden, waiting to be discovered, saved; desperate to swim freely across the cosmos and abandon the aching hearts they never understood.

I laughed as I recalled the words. I am in a state of misery, and I sure am dying, and most of all, I am desperate; desperate to collide with her soul like meteors.

"Who is it?" I was disturbed by a voice beside me, I sent her a confused look. "Who broke your heart?" I scoffed. "No one." She sat at the stool beside mine and looked at me. "Really? Then why are you sadly drinking alone in a bar where you're supposed to be with friends and having fun?" She smiled at me, charming. "I don't know, maybe some people just like being alone?" She leaned closer and whispered. "Why don't you come with me, let's fix your broken heart." I chuckled at her attempt. "My heart is whole, thanks." She leaned back and drank her beer. "Then what's wrong?"

Should I tell her about my wandering soul? How it keeps searching for its lost mate despite being tormented by love. It's wandering, searching, but why do I feel like it's headed straight into eternal damnation? Without her soul, it's lost, it's mad, crazy, devouring itself, because what good is life if there's nothing to live for?

For me, there are so many causes to a broken heart, and it can easily be fixed. But a lost, mad soul? It destroys a being, and it won't stop until it returns to its mate. But, her soul is never returning to mine, she had already danced with another, mingled with it while they swam across galaxies. While mine stayed in a black hole, wondering where things went wrong.

"Hey, you wanna talk about it?" She disturbed me again. "Not really, no." I shut her off as I drank my nth beer. "But I do want to tell you something." I looked at her with my wasted face, she prompted me to continue. "Beers taste like shit." She laughed at my wasted state. "Come on, let's go somewhere." I don't know how she got me to come, but there was something in her that made me comfortable.

"Okay, talk." She commanded as she sat by a swing, gesturing me to sit on the other. "You do realize that I'll probably fall if I sit there, right?" She looked at me irritatingly. "You whine too much, just sit, you wouldn't be able to talk that much if you were really drunk." Fair point, I sat and looked at the sky. Wondering where my soul is. "Well?" I looked at her in confusion. "What?" She sighed. "Talk, tell me everything. I'm listening." I chuckled lowly. "I'm not sure that's how it works, Miss?"

"Chaeyoung, Son Chaeyoung, and I don't care." I smiled. "Well, would you look at that. I'm Park Chaeyoung, but everyone calls me Rosé." I extended my arm for a handshake which she took with a smile. "Rosé? As in Park Rosé?" I nodded. "Girl, I love your work. But what the fuck happened? You're all over the news!" She fished out her phone and showed me several articles. I read some of the headlines, 'Park Rosé quits the collaboration of the century', 'Is there a beef between Park Rosé and Jennie Kim?' and so much more. I sighed, I'm so fucked up. "Well? You gonna start talking now? You don't look like the type to have beef." I took a deep breath. "We were lovers."

"What happened?" She asked as she looked at me with pity, it didn't hurt as much as Jennie looking at me the same way. "Do you really want to know?" She nodded eagerly, I smiled sadly. "Okay." I took another deep breath as I told her everything, from our high school romance to now, with every little detail explained. I was the one telling the story, but why did I feel like a spectator? Why did everything feel new? My tears fell as I reminisced the moments we spent, all the challenges we faced.

Once I told her everything, the sun already peeked through the clouds, it was dawn. She was left speechless, I waited for her reaction. "I, I'm sorry." She said as tears fell from her cheeks. I chuckled, is our story that sad? "It's okay, it's not your fault."

"Actually, it might be."