Just Me And My Life I Guess

log # something (wed. may 8th, 2019)

I want to give up and die.

I just want to kill myself. I don't want friends anymore.

I lost a friend because of his Bitch of a girlfriend. He cut us out of his life entirely. He doesn't want to deal with us cause he knows how we feel about that bitch.

I have had 18 breakdowns because of him. He's my best friend and it hurt so much to lose him. I don't even think he realizes how much he actually hurt me. He probably knows how much he hurt the others but not me.

We had state state testing today and while outside wating to go to back to school another friend of mine was covering my view of him and his Bitch because she knew how it hurts to look at them. She was protecting my feeling.

I don't want friends anymore. All they do is leave. I should of learned that a long time ago but no, me being me, I still believes everyone's my friend. I have been hurt so much by "Friends" that I have trust issues but that doesn't even show because guess what. I still want to be everyone's friends. I just want my pain to stop. I have been hurt by people claiming to be my friend. I just want death.

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I think I'm actually getting worse. I almost went and cut myself. I was actually thinking about cutting my arm. I was actually going to do it but I didn't.

I'm getting worse. At work for some reason there was a razor and well every time I saw it I got these thoughts About it slicing through my wrist.

I'm emotional drained. I have no patience for nothing. I have no motivation for anything. I feel like I'm not here at all. I just go through the day. I hate myself.

I want to die and I really just want to do it right now so I don't have to deal with anything.

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Sorry for disturbing y'all. Just ignore this. It's not important.