ON THE ROAD

Hallie

I had to bite my tongue real hard not to cry.

The day had been perfect. From surfing, to seeing a mariachi band live in a typical Mexican restaurant, we spent the day in a cheerful mood. I had never seen Maxine smile that much: she even joked with a man on the street who had bumped into her. Her fists were quiet all day and her few outbursts of anger didn't last long. To say I was happy was an understatement. I had rarely felt more alive- if ever.

As soon as the day faded, giving a spot in the sky to the moon, anxiety started rushing in me. I knew what was coming. We drove to the circus we had seen in this little town in the backcountry of Nevada. From afar, my eyes were focused on something past the colourful banners and the tall marquee. I looked to Maxime under my lashes who had a small smile dancing on her cherry lips. I imagined for a second taking my had through her soft and silky hair. This fantasy made my cheek burn and I knew I was red like the two tickets they gave back to Maxine with her change.

« You alright? »she asked me with a frown.

« Yeah, it's getting hot, don't you think? »I said while fanning myself with my ticket, feeling my face blushing even more.

« I was just about to say the night was going to be cold, but I guess your have a better heat control system in your body than I do. »

Body. I wish I could see yours.

What?

« So, where do you want to go first? »

« I don't know... I'm getting pretty hungry, maybe we could grab a bite before the show. »

We walked towards the food trucks. I headed towards an Italian one, that promised to serve the best pasta in town, while Maxine went straight for the BBQ. We met after a few minutes, a plate of pesto fettuccine for me and a burger for her. I noticed she had a little sauce on the side of her mouth that I wished I could've wiped off.

My thoughts made me mad. Ever since we left, her insults made my knees weak, her bad mood made my heart stutter and her negative attitude made butterflies go crazy in my stomach. Every night, I rested in bed and I kept wondering what made my heart believe I would ever want to fall for someone like her. But, I guess I was crazy just like her. Crazy enough to be crazy over her.

« Can I ask you something? »I asked.

« Of course, I'll see if I want to answer. »

There she was again, with her playful yet agressive manners.

« Why were you in jail? »

« Huh »she let out a soft chuckle. « I wonder when you were going to ask. »

She walked towards a bench and pointed to the seat next to her.

« Sit, this might take awhile. »

She looked at the dark sky to muster courage and started talking.

« It all started in December... well, if I'm being honest, it probably all started when my father drank his first drop of alcool. We were at home, like any other night, and my mother was passed out on the couch while my father was drooling on the carpet. I was myself not fully sober, but that's the past. I've been sober ever since. »

I tried congratulating her, but she brushed it off.

« I didn't do it to be perceived in any better way. I'll always be seen as trash and I accept it. Anyways, that's beyond the point.
Since my parents were done for the night, I found it odd to hear the doorknob move. I blames it on the drugs before hearing footsteps on the rotten wood in the hallway. I noticed the familiar creaking announcing that the intruder had entered the kitchen and would soon appear in the living room where I was now standing. I wasn't too worried, since junkies that my parents knew often came crashing our house during the weekend, but something felt wrong about this visitor and the way he tiptoed not to be heard.
When he walked into the room, I immediately knew we were in trouble. Before even seeing his bloodshot eyes and his clenched jawline, I noticed the gun in his hand. My hands started trembling.
"Hello?"I said, worrying that my fear could be heard in my voice,
The man didn't answer and simply stared me up and down. I didn't recognize him, but he looked like everyone who came to our house. There was nothing pretty about him; his facial structures didn't fit together and his nose was weirdly crooked from fighting too much.
I'll spare you the details, but after claiming in a low voice that my parents owed him a lifetime of money, he raised his gun. The weapon still held towards him, he reached in his pocket. Before he could take out the object, I ran straight down the hall towards the door. I was more worried about him following me than killing my parents, who were easy targets. When I was about the level of the street, I heard a gunshot. That's when it hit me: my parents probably were no longer alive. Thoughts started running through my head: where would I stay, nobody would want to offer me a job, what was I going to do with my life after high school? In a moment of what could either be courage or stupidity, I ran back into our house.
My parents were still laying on the ground, but that's not what caught my eyes. On the other side of the room, a lake of thick brown liquid surrounded a body. The stranger was dead, a gun loosely pointed towards his temple. »

I was afraid to say anything. I knew that if I said the wrong thing, she would completely shut off.

« A few minutes of shock later, I heard sirens outside. The cops were here. I walked towards the body, which was a terrible idea, and noticed a note stuck under his elbow. I grabbed it and opened the letter that had been folded in half. When the police entered the house, I still had the letter in hand, baffled by the words I was reading. I barely noticed the cold metal around my wrists when a tall man locked me in handcuffs. They brought me to the local jail, leaving me and my letter in a shared room with a man my parents had known for many years and who I had always considered like family. I didn't say a words for three days, until the police let me out, claiming that the prints on the gun indicated that the dead man had committed suicide. When I came back home, nothing had changed, except for my parents who had switched place: my mom was on the floor, where the blood had stained the carpet and my dad was sleeping on the sofa. That's when I knew I had to go. I went back to my room to pack and found the picture of us your mother had given that last summer before we stopped talking, which gave me the idea to take your car. The rest is history. »

I was shocked from her words: my saliva suddenly was too thick to swallow and my palms were sweaty.

« Woah, I have no words... »

« You don't have to say anything, I get it. I was there after all », she attempted to joke.

« What did the letter say? »

« I have it in my bag. Maybe you can read it later? »

I no longer wanted to eat my meal. I gave the rest to Maxine who's story had made her even hungrier and stayed in silence for a few minutes, wondering what it was like to be her.

And from that moment, I knew I was falling too fast to stop. When I looked at her, pushing asides the vegetables, I knew I would regret it. And I blamed my heart for any hurt she would ever do to me. But, that feeling being stronger than anything else, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the burn in my chest.