Into You (Luke Hemmings x Male Reader)

Chapter Nine

Your Point of View

         Days have passed by since the party where Cal had spotted Luke and I. Part of me is thankful that it happened in the first place, considering that it was what had truly got the ball rolling in Luke's coming out. He hasn't told me all too much about the people he's come out to, all I know is that he's told his mother and bandmates. That's major for him, truly a step in the right direction.

          He came to visit me at my apartment as much as he could, and we had finally started acting like a 'normal' couple. There was still a fear in his eyes when we would go out in public together, still a bit of tension if I tried to hold his hand. As much as it hurts to hold back my love, I know that I can't force him into this. He needs to go at his own pace and not rush. I can tell that he wants this, he wants to be able to be public with us. One night, with him laying next to me in my bed he let lose what he was holding back for so long.

       We laid facing towards each other, my hands in his sandy tresses. Moments like these were something I cherished. Luke looked up at me with sad eyes, the brilliant blue of his irises boring into my soul.

        "What's wrong?" I asked, pressing a kiss to his temple. His skin was hot beneath my lips and I heard him let out a sigh.

       "Why did you stay with me?" He inquired.

       "I stayed because I love you and I know that we can do this."

        "I love you too, but all I did was hurt you. It's all I'm doing now. I haven't done all the normal couple things with you. I can barely even look you in the eyes in public because I'm so afraid of what people are gonna say about me. You should be with someone who isn't afraid of judgement, you shouldn't be with somebody like me." His words made my heart sink. Even though there were times that I was questioning whether it would be easier to stay or to go, I chose to stay with him. I had, and still do have, faith in him. Faith that with time we can be like any other couple.

        "But I want to be with you. I love you, not anybody else, Luke. If I wanted to leave you, don't you think I would have left already?" I questioned, him looking at me with an enigmatic look on his face, like he didn't comprehend that I didn't want to leave him.

       "I can't imagine my life without you. I don't know what I did to deserve somebody like you, but I know that I can't do any of this alone. I don't want you to feel like you have to stay with me but I don't want to imagine my life without you. When I almost lost you I didn't know what to do with myself. I don't want that to ever happen again. I need to try harder for us, I don't wanna keep hurting you." His voice was cracking. He was just upsetting himself with the words that were spilling out of his mouth. I cupped his cheek in my hand, his sad eyes meeting mine.

        "Focus on yourself. I'm fine. I know you're trying your best. It's hard, I know, but take your time." I whispered, ghosting a kiss onto the tip of his nose. It hurts so much to see him upset, more than any hiding can ever make me feel.

      "I'm sorry, I can't help but feel awful about this." He nuzzled his head in the crook of my neck, his breath hot against my skin.

      "It's okay. You're doing your best and I know that. I love you so much, don't you ever forget that." He moved his head, looking back up at me once more.

       "I love you, too." He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek.

         That night I had begun to fully understand where Luke was coming from. He'd never done something like this before, he was still in the mindset that he would make himself vulnerable and weak in sharing this side of him. That people would think of him differently. I'd dealt with my own internalized homophobia in my coming out. It's hard to overcome, to realize that my sexuality has no bearing on who I am as a person.

       It hurts knowing that this is what Luke is feeling. I know that he's a fighter. I just know that he will be able to pull himself out of this and finally realize that there's nothing to run from.