Into You (Luke Hemmings x Male Reader)

Chapter Four

Luke's Point of View

        It's been days since I've heard from him. Guilt began to eat away at me from what I had said that night. Those words or lack there of replayed in my mind. Why did I let him leave? Why didn't I tell him what he needed to hear, how I truly felt? I always fuck things like this up, but this time feels especially worse. I'm so into him, infatuated with him. I wanted to keep it secret before. I hated the idea of getting backlash for who I am but for him I would choose that in a heartbeat as opposed to losing him.

I owe him an explanation at the very least. I know that he needs to know why I did that. It's not the easiest to admit but I know that if I don't that what we had could be completely ruined.

Was it already ruined? I can't help but think it is, I mean if it wasn't wouldn't he be answering me? A billion different scenarios had played out in my head. Maybe he blocked me on everything and was beginning to forget about me. Maybe he was at home crying over what I had done.

No, I can't let this happen. I can't let us end. I care far too much about him. I reached over for my phone for what seemed to be the hundredth time tonight. Going to our text conversation, I saw that he had read what I had sent but hadn't replied. So he didn't block me, at least I can rule that one out.

'I know that sorry can't fix this. A million sorrys couldn't, but please just hear me out. I know that there is NO excuse for what happened. I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to hurt you. It's not that you're not worth it, it's that you're more than worth it. I've been hurt and used and broken by so many people that I don't know how much more I could take if I'm out and open. Even though I don't want to get hurt again, for you, I would risk everything I have. You don't have to forgive me, in fact I'll truly understand if you don't. I'm a dickhead and I keep messing everything up but I just need you to know that I love you with all of my heart.' I nervously sent the text to him, turning off my phone and putting it back on the nightstand.

I laid back with my head in my hands, sighing. The feeling in my chest hadn't left at all over the last week. It only grew stronger, heavier. I brought this on myself, I deserve it. I know I do. All I do is hurt the people I love. As much as I want to cry, I can't. Once I start, I won't stop. Scenarios began to take up my thoughts again. He would either respond well or not at all. Either want to fix everything or just cut me out of his life. As much as it would hurt, he would be fully justified in doing it. I was instantly pulled out of my mind when the sound of my phone buzzing against the table had played out in the room. Please let this be him.

'I know where you're coming from. I know this is hard for you and if anything I'm the dickhead for pressing the issue. If we have to hide forever I'll be okay with that as long as I have you.' Instantaneously tears began to stream down my cheeks. Tears of happiness from finally hearing from him, sadness from him thinking he was in the wrong.

'Don't take the blame for this. It's my fault that this even happened and it's my fault that we have to hide. I promise you that I'm going to do my best and be honest about myself. That starts with being honest with you.' It took me a while to fully type out the message because my brain was so scrambled. He responded almost instantly.

        'You're still in the closet Luke, how are you the guilty party here?' That seemed to be the only thing he took from what I said.

        'Then let's both take the blame because we aren't gonna get anywhere if we keep going back and forth with this. I love you and I don't want us to be over because of something like this.'

       'Fine then. I love you too I can't stand being apart from you. I hate hiding us because I wanna be able to show everyone you're mine. I don't wanna keep lying to everyone.' It hurts knowing that I keep doing this to him with all the hiding and secrets. I'm not going to let it drive us apart more than it already has.

       'I know babe and neither do I. I swear on everything I love that I'm going to try my best for you and only you.' I know that this is going to be hard but I have to do this. For me. For him. For us.