loser //l.h.

10: Realizing

Ever POV:

"You should stop, you need to take it easy", Andy said and took the cigarette from my mouth. My troath was on fire and I coughed and coughed.

"How is that comforting?", I tried to say. He laughed and shook his head:" You get used to it" and inhaled the smoke deeply.

Luke was gone for twelve days now and hadn't bother calling or texting me. I called him about eight times today and he never picking up. I loved him but I freaking hated him right now. He couldn't be so busy that he forgot about me. About us, whatever we were.

Andy and I had hangout every day after school and he was a really good friend. He was like a brother to me. Even though he always had fresh cuts in his face or a blue eye, he was special to me.

"You know, I'll leave on monday", he said, exhaling the smoke.

My smile faded and I asked:" What...where ?"

He couldn't leave me. Why was everybody leaving me?

"I don't know. Maybe Europe. England is pretty cool. You could come; you know" He shrugged and smiled at me.

I was sixteen and he was nineteen. This all sounded so ridicilous. But I nodded anyway.

"Yeah, sounds good."

"We only need money for the flight", he mumbled; starring in the distance.

We were sitting on his rooftop, looking down at all the small people walking through the late night dust.

I was wearing his jacket again and we were listening trough his headphones to a band called Neck Deep.

I was obsessed with the songs and I kind of liked the screaming pain in every song.

"I just really need to get away from this shit town", he said, throwing the cigarette down the building.Andy was always aggressive .

I knew that he would love to burn this town down and he did it in little steps .

I really liked him; I felt like he was exactly like me.

"Me too. And don't worry about the tickets, I got it "

It was such a fragile thought. We were running away from our problems and I wasn't sure if I liked it.

I loved Luke and the thought of him coming back and not finding me made me sick. My parents finding my room empty.

James helpless sitting in Algebra .

James.

He was mind fucking me. He starred at me as if I was a lust object and all I wanted was to kick him in the face.

And I wanted to kick Luke in the face. I could imagine him with a groupie on his lap , biting, kissing, touching.

My jaw tightened and I wanted to jump down the rooftop, searching for the cigarette.

I looked at Andy and saw he was already looking.

He leaned in closer and I stopped breathing. No no no. His lips started moving on mine.

I leaned away and slapped him on the cheek.

But I liked it. I liked the adrenaline pumping through my veins. So I kissed him. Oh, I kissed him senseless. He laughed in my mouth.

His hand tightened painfully around my hips but I ignored it. I ignored his cold skin and his cigarette smell. His coughing and knuckles cracking. But I didn't deserve it better.

His toungue touched mine and that was all that mattered.

And I didn't whimper as he clenched his tight grip or as he let one hand under my jacket.

His jacket. His hand. His toungue. My ruin.

But I liked it.

.

.

.

It was easy to book the tickets.

There was enough money on my credit card. I never really used it but my parents gave it to me anyways. They gave me a lot of things but never something that helped me like love or trust. Just an empty apartment with expensive designer stuff.

I looked trough my room, seeing if I got everything.

I packed my suitcase last night , even though we were only leaving tomorrow.

It was all so ridicolous.

I booked two seats in first class last minute.

Andy attacked me with painfull kisses as I showed him the tickets.

I somehow didn't feel amazed by Andy anymore. He kinda made me a bit sick but I tried to forget that feeling and smiled at his scarred face. His pointy nose, his crooked teeth, his dry lips, his blue eyes, his lip piercing, his blond ha-....wait no... that's Luke. He was always and never on my mind.

I couldn't help but compare him to Luke all the time. And he was a lot better than I deserved.

I deserved someone like Andy who beats people up and does too much drugs and fucks up everything. That are the kind of people that stay with me.

And important people leave me.

Carter.

Luke.

My sister.

My parents.

My grandmother.

I didn't blame them, it's the best thing to do, I just wasn't like others.

I liked bad fairies and rainy days. I liked screaming people and blood. I liked the bad things and I liked Andy.

----FLASHBACK STARTS----

"And lastly Ever. Please present us your work" , Mrs Higgens smiled at me.

I stood up and walked to the front of the class. I wiped my palms on my scraped knees, smiled widely with my metal between my teeth and started:" The project Mrs. Higgens gave us was about a moment we will never forget. Something wonderfull that made us smile...."

And so I told the class about the 20th of April 1999. The famous Columbine shooting. How the boys laughed at the black kid before they shot him or how they played Peek A Boo with a crying girl who hid under a table in the libary.

I was too young to understand why it was bad.

But my classmates understood. And they cried and screamed and Mrs. Higgens asked me why that was wonderful.

"Because it was different", I simply said and slowly sat down, unsure why the eight year olds were looking disturbed.

That was the first time I realized that I was different.

------FLASHBACK ENDS-----

I collapsed on my bed and it felt like the world was crashing down on me. Boys sucked. Family sucked. I sucked.

Ugh I hate people

I was curious when my parents will notice that I left.

Maybe after a week. Dad was in Alaska for a special report about crystal meth.

Mum was working till late at night.

My sister sent me a text all two weeks. Maybe three.

Probably three.

And than I realized that nobody cared.

A/N:

NOT PROOFREAD

sry if this was Short and it sucked but i liked it¿¿¿¿

And The relationship between Ever and Andy s like Frankie and Luke (irony ik) from skins uk omg i loved them even tho he was really bad. Gen3 anyone?? No ok byeee love u xxxx