loser //l.h.

11: Separating

Luke POV:

Sleeping, eating, performing. That were the only three things I did in the last two weeks. It was so exhausting but I loved it. This was what me and the boys always wanted to do. We lived our dream. It was just so stressfull , touring from state to state.

"Hey, you need to check this out", Ashton came to my bunk bed and held a paper with messy handwriting in my face.

"New song from you and Calum?" , I asked, quickly scanning the paper.

It was good, it was really good.

"Yeah, keep going" , I nodded and Ashton walked to the front of the bus. The boys were writing new songs for our album. I didn't have the time to be creative, I just couldn't deal with all the stress. The boys could handle it ten times better. They loved it.

Sometimes I asked myself if I really wanted this. If I wanted to be famous and get recognized everywhere.

Yes you fucking want, my thirteen year old self screamed in my face.

Don't swear Luke , would my mom say to him.

Yes man you love it, would my sixteen year old self say with a smug smile.

Keep going for the fans, would my nineteen year old self whisper with a tired smile.

And in a few years I don't know if I could talk at all. My troath hurted all the time and my bones ached.

Performing wasn't easy but yeah I think I love it.

I thought ,at least.

Ever was a missing part of me. I couldn't call her , I lost my phone in New York. She probably hates me.

I sighed and my heavy eyelids squeezed shut.

I needed sleep.

Ever POV:

London was amazing. I never visited Europe and it was all so fascinating. London had tall glassbuildings and busy streets in the center of the city, people always rushing and shouting in their phones. It was cold and scary but I liked it. It was a lot quieter in the little green parks and cafés. This was were Andy and I were most of the time. We drank crappy coffee with milk and ate salty biscuits. Christmas was only a month away and the snow wasn't stopping. We made snow angels and laughed at our failures.

It was a bit tougher with Andy. He was aggressive towards strangers and never could have the same charme as Luke. But I tried not to think about him, he was dead for me.

Andy kissed me like air wasn't necessary and touched me like I was made out of cement. I didn't mind, I tried to tell myself at least.

He loves you.

It was a lie but I was happier than ever. I didn't care if he lied to me, I just didn't want to be different anymore. I wanted to love like everyone else.

It can't be that difficult.

We were currently walking hand in hand through the misty evening air, our cold breath fading into the dark sky.

"Look at the christmas tree", he said, pointing to a giant christmas tree standing in front of a business building.

"I've never seen such a tall tree", I gushed, running to it, pulling Andy behind me.

The colorfull bubbles were wrapped around the tree and shined bright and proud.

I felt like a little girl again, probably with big eyes and parted lips.

Andy hugged me from behind and kissed my cheek.

"You are so cute, Ev", he whispered as if only I was allowed to hear it. I smiled and gazed up in the sky.

How beautiful life could be.

.

.

.

I woke up and the first thing I did was checking my phone for texts or calls from Luke or my family.

Nothing.

My parents didn't even call me. I was kind of sad, I thought they cared a little bit about me but I was wrong, I suppose.

"Morning beautiful", Andy mumbled with a dark morning voice.

I only had him and my handfull of friends. They knew that we ran away and thought that it was the best for Andy right now. They tried to convince me to stay in New York and I was tempted to stick a finger down my throat and vomit in their faces.

But they were my friends and I loved them.

But you love Luke more.

No no I freaking didn't.

HE IS AN ASSHOLE, BRAIN!

Luke POV:

We were nearly finished with our tour. We only had a week to go. I craved New York and Ever so much. I hope she still liked me; though I couldn't call.

Duhh she loves you.

I hope so.

The fans were crazy and sang every song with such a great enthusiasm. They got us so much chocolate and Calum cuddled with all the stuffed animals every night in his tiny bunk bed.

Every morning they would be all fallen out of his bed and layed all on the floor. I realized how much I liked these guys and how I could never betray them.

But I loved Ever.