Claiming His Love {manxman}

CHL: Chapter Thirteen

Nikolai Lyev Baranov

I could feel myself growing bitter with each passing moment.

I thought that I was just sad and upset over every single thing, looking at these people and being reminded of that same night, but I found that I was seething in disgust, the cold taste of salt drowning my tongue.

I actually wanted to go back to work. At least I could pretend that I was someone else and not have to worry about how I was feeling. I didn't have to worry about my problems because my mind was solely focused on the job and tasks at hand. It gave me an excuse to forget who Nikolai Baranov was and where he came from. Here, in this stupid pack hellhole, I was only fixated on my dark thoughts. Nothing else. I had no friends, no one to talk to. I was going to try to talk to Trace, seeing as he was leaving me these little gifts and trinkets as if he was trying to make up for what he had done, but I didn't know. It was a sweet gesture, but he was going to have to do more than that if he wanted us to start being mates.

I mean, if he publicly addressed how terribly he treated me and his wrongdoings, then I would consider it. Trace had never been the type of person to apologize. He had too much pride riding on it and he would never do something that would allow others to perceive him as anything but the bad-ass warrior that he was. Apologizing would make him weak.

That was one thing that I'd never liked about him.

But it was his call, not mine. He would only be hurting himself further if he didn't come up with something soon. The full moon was approaching and that could mean a life with a mate or death for me. At this point, I was okay with either. 

I don't know or why but at some point, I became okay with the stubble growing on my face. I became okay with smelling terrible like I had just gone rolling around in wolf shit. I became okay with looking dead because it was an actual representation of how I felt. Most people thought I was cold and heartless and I was beginning to think that I was. The thing about these people is that they never noticed the tears that I shed when I was alone, they never saw the strong halo of sadness around me, nor did they even pay attention to the pain that I felt. But somehow, some way, they noticed all of my mistakes.

I let out a breath, letting my white and blue fur ruffle against the cool window as I sat in front of the clearing by the pack house. The water beneath me was so blue, so beautiful. I could the color of my wolf's eyes and the blue lines dancing along his sides. Here, I felt like I could escape and let Lance take over for a bit. Here, no one would bother me and I could take several deep breaths and relax. I was tired of being on edge all the time and this was the moment for me to digress and be calm. 'I want Hades.' My wolf called out to me and I mumbled, not sure what to say. My wolf was silently calling for Hades, wanting his love and affection but Trace knew better than to come near me. I may have let hug me, but that didn't mean anything.

'Lies.'

Maybe it did mean something. I didn't know. My mind wasn't working as well as I wanted to and I felt cornered. I was forced to sort through my feelings and figure out what it was that I wanted. "Shut up, you damn dog." I scowled, closing my eyes as the wind picked up, soothing my nerves. I could feel Lance cracking his hind legs as he sprawled out on the lawn. 

Prime relaxation.

All of a fucking sudden, I felt a hand running through my fur and my heterochromatic eyes snapped open like lightning. "Who the fuck?" I growled, hopping up and getting alert for intruders. "Sorry!" I heard a girly voice and my eyes looked down to see a little girl with black hair in a ponytail, green eyes framing her round face. "Your fur just looked so soft." She whispered as she bowed her head, still looking at me. I rolled my eyes in annoyance as I shifted back into human form, clothes still intact as I sat in front of the girl. I stared at her, wondering what she was doing here. This was a far walk from the pack house. She smiled brightly as she blinked up at me and I was unsure of how to approach this situation. She held something in her hands as she shuffled on her two feet, and I raised a brow. "What are you holding?" I pointed to the box and she handed it to me. "Red velvet cupcakes! My momma said these were your favorite!" She beamed and I reluctantly took the box from her.