Our Hearts' Desire (The Monkees Family Vol. 2)

Chapter 34

Gabby received a call when she got home from the meeting.  It was Dawn, calling to let her know that she had finally gotten her period and that she wasn't pregnant.  She shed a few tears at first about it, but then she and Gabby were able to also make light of the situation and remain philosophical about whatever is meant to happen being the right thing.  Gabby shared with Dawn all about the meeting, and now began to process the things that Micky had talked about in front of the group and also the things he listed on his gratitude list.  She and Dawn chewed over what it all might mean, and whether they had made any real progress.

Dawn was all systems go on the notion that things were moving along well and that Gabby ought to try to trust the process.  "Gabby, dollface, listen.  This isn't going to happen overnight, but it is happening.  If you stay on high alert all the time, trying to protect yourself from disappointment or continuing to nurse your fears, whether they're rational or not, you're going to miss out on the growth and healing that's happening.  It reminds me of this cool program Peter and I were watching recently.  They filmed a flower growing out of the ground, from seed to full bloom.  But the film was sped up and it was obvious how every little twitch of the flower transformed it from the seed to the flower in all its glory.  Well, you and Micky are like that.  You're so hung up on watching it all happen slowly, weighing up every word and motive and consequence that you can't even see that you and Micky are flourishing."

Gabby was struck by this new perspective and granted its validity.  "You know something, I think Peter's rubbing off on you.  He's got an off-center way of viewing things, but he can be very profound."  Dawn took umbrage at this: "Hey, who says I'm not rubbing off on him?"  They laughed and wrapped up the conversation, with Gabby mentioning that she spoke to Micky about them returning to Pete and Dawn's place for their next encounter.

"Yeah, well, this time, maybe you'd be smart to bring a change of clothes just in case Seb decides to spew.  I'm glad you feel safe coming over to our house to reconnect with Micky.  I like feeling like I'm being of some help to the family, after having done nothing but take lately."

"You're part of my gratitude list, Dawn," referring back to the exercise that Jack had had them all do at the café. 

"Right back atcha, girlie."

Gabby was exhausted and felt like she had narrowly escaped another massive panic attack and decided to just not overanalyze anything she had experienced for the evening.  She wanted some peace of mind right now, and to turn it all over to someone else.  She made a mental note to work on getting her own sponsor for Al-Anon.  She realized she had been trying to do this all alone and it would be comforting to have someone who could relate to her situation to share the journey with and learn from.  She went next door to see who was up for helping her walk the dogs for their last bathroom run and two of the three guys were there, so they both joined her.  When they got back, she handed them some thank you snacks and decided that after what she had seen tonight, she wouldn't be buying them beer as a thank you.  As she kissed the dogs goodnight, she told them that they were also on her gratitude list.  She dug out a small journal she had not begun to write in yet and put it by her bedside so that she could make a gratitude list at the end of each day.  Then she finally allowed her frenzied mind to rest.

*          *          *

Micky and Gabby's next "double date" was with Pete and Dawn was at the zoo.  Peter had been watching nature programs with Charlotte on television, and she was curious about the animals.  Dawn hadn't been out of the house for a social occasion since she gave birth to Sebastian, and Peter felt it was time for her to spread her wings.  So this time, Gabby didn't have time to dwell on her own discomfort and fears because she was busy helping Dawn manage her own.