Our Hearts' Desire (The Monkees Family Vol. 2)

Chapter 40

"So now what, Micky?"

"So now we get on with our lives.  Step Ten.  We continue to take inventory on how we treat each other and when we're wrong we promptly admit it.  That's it.  If we make another mess, we clean it up right away.  Assuming we want a life together."

Gabby reached for Micky's hands.  "Of course I want a life together.  I wouldn't have sat through this ordeal if I didn't.  Do you want a life together?"

Micky's hazel eyes bore into Gabby's hazels with an intensity she had never seen.  "Gabby, I want the life, the love, the everything, the oneness, the wordless communication, the physical closeness, the laughter, the banter, the support, the challenge, the dogs, the music, the memories, the baths, the lovemaking, the cheerleading, the fantasies, the roleplaying, the adventures, all of it.  I want everything we had, and anything else we decide we want.  If there's no baby in that equation, that's more than okay.  If you ever change your mind, that would be swell.  Do you think we can ever get that back?  Will you ever trust me again, love me again, want me again?"

Gabby held Micky's hands and said "Yes.  It will take time, just like the first time around, maybe a lot of time, maybe not, but it will take time and patience and perseverance.  But I want all of those things too, and I don't want them with anyone else.  How can we move past this stuff we talked about tonight?  The wreckage.  Can we sweep it into some dustbin and just walk away from it?  Is there a way for us to not let it haunt us?"

Micky shrugged.  "I don't know.  You're the one who got hurt.  I'm the criminal, you're the victim."

"You are not a criminal, Micky!" Gabby cried.

"I feel that way.  I feel like I'm on parole or probation."

"Well I don't want it to be that way anymore.  What can we do to get past that?"

"Please stop putting limits on the things we do and how we do them.  Please stop treating me like I'm a danger to you.  Treat me like a guy you're dating.  Let me take you places, treat you right, have fun with you."

Gabby gulped and looked guilty and ashamed.  "I'm sorry, Micky.  I've stigmatized you and shamed you.  I was trying to protect myself and my sanity but I made you feel like a predator."

Micky nodded.  "Yes.  I'm not going to lie.  It's been painful, but I've gone along with it because I know your background and that you've been through so much.  I know it's hard for you to trust men for valid reasons.  But I've been through scary stuff too, Gabby.  I used to be a total basket case about women other than you after I got assaulted, and I worked my way through it.  Please believe me that I have empathy for what you're suffering, but know that I would never hurt you.  Even if I picked up a drink I wouldn't hurt you.  But that isn't going to happen anyway.  I'm just saying, you don't have to worry about that.  I'm not that kind of drunk.  I'm a happy drunk and a sleepy drunk, not a violent drunk.  And I never hurt you when I was taking those pills.  I lived with you for months while I was taking them and I never hurt you.  And as for your concerns about me coming back and finding out about you and Davy and getting angry and lashing out and trying to harm you or him, well, that didn't happen, did it?  I didn't get angry.  I took it with good grace.  I'd even stand up for him at his wedding if he asked me.  So will you please do me the greatest favor of all and trust me?  I feel like it's life and death now to our relationship."

Gabby nodded and said "I agree.  It's time.  Does that mean I need to tell you where I live?"

Micky paused and thought.  "If you don't want to, you don't have to yet.  It would probably make me sad to picture you there, wherever it is, anyway.  True, if you told me where you lived, I'd know you trusted me.  But no, I wasn't talking about that.  I was thinking more about things like letting me take you out wherever, letting me touch you, us getting closer, letting our guards down more, relaxing more in each other's presence, stuff like that.  If you want to keep your apartment a zone of privacy, that's fine with me.  One day, I hope you won't live there anymore.  So for all I care, you can keep it a secret until I roll up with a moving van to move you back in with me."