falling || 5sos || au

xxxiv.

xxxiv.

[his thoughts]

her eyes shut painfully slow

as she breathed her last breath

the feeling of her being gone was like a blow

to my guts almost making me lose myself

I watched Flo at the other side of the bed

her face white and her eyes brimmed with tears

I probably looked worse

I shook my head

clasping my hand on her smaller,

slightly more fragile one

I whispered words I always have

“I love you Lily, please

don’t

leave me”

I shook as I quietly tried to breathe

how am I still alive?

why can’t I replace her?

she’s only five

she deserves to live

she deserves to see

to love

to get married and have kids

why did she have to leave?

I don’t know for sure

if I’m selfish but Lily means the universe to me

and she is the most beautiful being I have ever seen

and I love her more than the universe

you don’t understand how much she means to me

when she was born, I was thirteen

and the confusion was ripping me at the seams

my parents hadn’t fought yet

but when she turned two,

the whole household came crashing down

and the house was flooded with her tears

and my fears of letting my father in

to hurt my little sister

and that was how it has been

since I was a teenager

and I hope that she gets to a better place

where the sun meets the moon

and where she can finally sleep till noon

without worry of my father slitting her wrists

and a distant thumping of footsteps entered

and I heard myself calling out but they took her away

hopefully somewhere better

where she won’t shed another tear

I felt small thin arms wrap around me

as I laid my head on her shoulder

and I let all my fears out

and I whispered to her

“hold me forever, I don’t want to fall apart anymore”

and she did until night came

and I feared where would I sleep?

I would not go back to the horrid house

she whispered to me, “ you can come and sleep with me”

and so I did